Swinging to keep my Marriage

If you are under 18  you should probably stop reading. This blog is not meant for you. Thank you.

First, before I tell you my story, let me give you a couple of definitions. One  I found on a Swinging  website and the other I came up with on my own. It will help you understand a bit about what I’m talking about if you don’t already know.

Swinging 

“Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. In its simplest form, “swinging” is enjoying consensual sexual experiences with people other than your regular partner.

Most people, who swing and are part of a couple, do so with the full knowledge, consent and, usually the participation of, their partner. Within this, however, there is a broad spectrum of activities. For some, swinging forms a big part of their life, for others it is an occasional “treat”. Some people enjoy a wide variety of swinging partners; others form long-standing relationships with one couple. For some, swingers “anything goes”, while others confine themselves to limited experiences that they enjoy, for example girls exploring their bisexuality together whilst the partners simply watch.

Swingers have traditionally been largely middle class and tend to blend in quite easily with the general population in terms of appearance and ideology.”

Open Relationship

An open relationship signifies a relationship where one or both partners have agreed that monogamy, sexual fidelity or exclusivity are not expected. (my definition)

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About Me

laying-copyIn 2005, my husband had a stroke at the age of 50. Now, I realize that he wasn’t super young but also he certainly was younger than the average stroke patient. So, it came as a real surprise that this stroke  could have potentially taken his life.

With the stroke came many different issues, one of them being the inability to have an erection. That was tough on his ego and tough on us as a couple. Here I was, in the prime of my life (I’m 10 years younger than he is) and we were no longer having sex. This continued for 1o long years. Occasionally I would ask him to go to the doctor to obtain some sort of performance enhancing pills. He would, we use the 5 that were prescribed in about 5 months then nothing for another year or so.

Finally, in February 2015 when I turned 50, I decided it was time for me to eat healthy and exercise. Through this process, I lost 42lbs and feel amazing. I have beautiful curves and I once again love my body. You see, I have a friend at work that is a year or 2 older than me and she is absolutely beautiful. Not only did she inspire me to lose weight, knowing that I could look like her, but she also inspired me to write this blog. She tells me that she likes to live vicariously through me because she can’t do what I have done. 🙂

Along with the weight loss and healthy lifestyle, I also decided I wanted to have sex again. I was tired of being celibate. I wanted to be touched by a man. I was craving the touch of a man and wanted sex. I was at the point in my life when that was all I thought about. My hormones were raging and I was beginning to feel out of control. I reduced myself to begging my husband for sex. I know, it sounds awful, and trust me it was. I humiliated myself in order to make love to my own husband. He finally relented. It was so bad. I could see he was going through the motions and was not enjoying himself at all. I felt terrible. It was like I was forcing him into sex and he was feeling pressured.

In July, 2015 I decided to go and see a psychologist because my hormones were going out of whack and I could no longer control my need for sex. I needed a physical outlet but I also needed her to help me deal with the emotional aspect of what I was going through. Much to my surprise, she suggested I go to the bar and pick up a guy anonymously and have sex with him. She said it would be easy and I would get what I need.

Well, not only was I shocked by her suggestion, but I went home to told my husband what she had to say. He asked me if that was what I wanted. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was not. That I valued our marriage and wouldn’t want to ruin what we had despite the issues we were having with sex. But, the more I thought about it, the more it intrigued me. I was desperate to be touched and have sex again. But, when I discussed with my husband, he was adamant that if I was to go through with that, he was unsure if we could stay together.

So, I decided for the first time in my life to purchase a vibrator. Let me tell you about my husband’s reaction – he was shocked and hurt. He couldn’t believe that I wanted to replace him with a toy.  I reminded him that a toy could never replace his touch. But he didn’t like it anyhow. Eventually, I told him I needed to find a partner. I could not go on living the way I was and came to a compromise of who I would play with. I told him that after speaking to another member of a website I joined, he suggested that I only play with married men and he is allowed to read all the correspondence between me and any man that I message regarding play dates. Reluctantly, he allowed me to go forward.

In November of 2015, I joined a swingers website. I began chatting with people and posted pictures of myself. Some were nude and some had me clothed. The nude pictures were scary to post. I had never done that before. But with the reaction I received from people who saw them, I was overwhelmed and a little surprised by how much positive feedback I was getting. It felt amazing to be told I had a beautiful body. I had never really heard those words from my husband. Yes, he told me on occasion how much he found me attractive but he found me beautiful even when I was 40 lbs heavier. So, it wasn’t really the same. Being told by men that didn’t know me that I was sexy and hot was really new for me. What a rush that was.  I loved being on this website and it became almost an addiction. I wanted the admiration of others.

Eventually, I started chatting and meeting men. Despite my husband’s approval, I was uncomfortable with allowing him to know what I was discussing and who I was planning on meeting. It felt like a betrayal but at the same time, it was very exciting. I felt like I was a silly teenager who was boy crazy and hungry for affection.

Then by mid-December, I agreed to meet with a man. He was single and 36 years old. I had already broke one of my promises.

Let the Story Begin

Finally, he put on his condom and entered me. OMG, what a feeling. I had needed that so badly. I was desperate for some relief and an orgasm of my own. It had been 20 years since I experienced an orgasm and I was looking forward to it.

December 2015

When I was contacted by Steve, he sounded like a wonderful man. He owned and ran his own business and seemed put together. We texted back and forth for a week before deciding to meet.

I had seen pictures of his body but never of his face. So, I had no idea who I was meeting. Finally, on the appointed day, I went outside to meet him for the first time and there he was. This young guy with a beautiful smile and receding hair line. You could not imagine my disappointment. I tried not to show it and smiled as brightly as he was, but I have to admit, he was not the looker I was hoping for. You see, I like guys who are well built, tall and a nice head of hair. Steve was tall, thin and not nearly enough hair.

So, we went for a walk and I decided to ask him a few questions. I figured I had nothing to lose. This was the first man that I had this type of relationship with and was unsure of how to go about it. So, I was winging it. Luckily, I’ve never shied away from talking about sex. It’s always been a fairly comfortable area for me to deal with. So, I decided to ask Steve a few questions about what it was he was seeking sexually. He said he just wanted sex with a woman who would not be using him for his money like most girls in his town. He seems to think he was a much sought after bachelor whom all the girls wanted to marry. Furthermore, he was in a 2 year relationship and the girl wanted to get married but he didn’t, so they broke up. That was a year ago. That sounded fair enough to me. I was too was looking for sex and didn’t need the complications of falling in love with anyone.

After chatting with him for an hour, and despite the fact that he did not look like the type of guy I would normally go for, I decided that I would give him a chance and see how things go.

A week later, right before Christmas, we made plans to meet up. But because neither of us could have sex in our homes, we decided that we would meet and have sex in his truck. I thought that would be ok. It had been over 30 years since I did that and thought the experience would remind me of my youth.

When I saw his truck, I got in, we chatted for a few minutes then got into the back seat. Now, you have to remember, I have been with my husband at this point for 23 years and before that, I had been married to the same man for 6 years, so, in a span of 30 years almost, I had been with 2 men. And at this point, I was so horny and so in need of sex, I was crawling out of my skin. I could not wait to get screwed by Steve.

When I undressed, I saw him looking at me. He was fully erect through his jeans and I could see that he was clearly turned on by me.  Naturally, I wore a new panty/bra set that I had bought especially for the occasion. I was looking forward to showing it off and have a man desire me. Well, I got my wish. I could see that I had the right effect on him that I was aiming for.

Once he removed his pants and I saw his cock, I was so turned on, that I could feel myself breathing harder and faster. I touched him, and started to beat him off. I then asked if I could suck him off. He told me that he was worried that if I did that, he would cum too quickly. Well, I don’t know about you, but most guys enjoy a good blow job and I wanted to do that for him. So, I proceeded to show him what I had. I enjoyed it too. I like giving blow jobs to guys who are clean and have a nice cock. But after about 3 minutes, he asked me to stop. I was surprised. I was enjoying it and wanted to continue. But, I thought maybe it was because he wasn’t enjoying that he asked me to stop.

Finally, he put on his condom and entered me. OMG, what a feeling. I had needed that so badly. I was desperate for some relief and an orgasm of my own. It had been 20 years since I experienced an orgasm and I was looking forward to it.

Steve started to thrust in and out, then after about a minute, he stopped. He looked at me and said “Sorry”. I was a little surprised by that. I asked him why he was sorry. He told me he came already. “Already!” was all I could say. You can imagine my disappointment of not having had the release I so desired and so needed. But, I laughed it off because I didn’t want him to be embarrassed or feel bad about it. I let him off the hook. Right after that, he wanted to get dressed and leave. I thought it was because he was embarrassed so I tried to make him feel better about it. But he made some excuse about needing to go to his parents’ place.

So, I dressed and left. I walked back to the car and I felt like I was doing the walk of shame. It was not a good feeling. I didn’t like how I felt at all. But, I needed to get home to my family so I got in my car and drove home.

Later that evening, I contacted Steve and told him how I felt. I told him I didn’t like the way he summarily dismissed me from the truck as soon as he had finished with me. He apologized and said that he didn’t intend for me to feel that way. He just had to leave. So, I forgave him and moved forward.

Christmas came and went and Steve and I had been in touch quite a bit over that time. I was getting very attached to him. He was sweet and charming and very soft spoken. He told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved my body. Once in a while, we would Skype while I was having a bath. We would chat and play while watching each other. It was fun and I was getting the attention that I was craving. He was fulfilling my sexual needs for the time being and I was enamoured with him.