Swinging – Decisions, Decisions

I can have casual, consensual sex with men who I find interesting and attractive. If a relationship builds while at the club, then that’s fine, but I won’t be looking for it anymore.


Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to meet men to establish a relationship to become a long-term playing partner. I realize that in the past, it was very important to me to know my partner and to know him well. The better we knew each other, the more at ease we would be when it came to having sex. It’s easier to ask for what you want and feel less judged if you want to explore something new.  But I realize now that I may have been chasing the impossible. I think I was looking for the type of relationship that I had with one of my other partners. The one that I split from three weeks ago. This type of relationship takes time and energy, neither aspects that I want to engage in at the moment. He and I were together for 9 months so I know that finding someone new to play with won’t happen overnight.

I know that no man can fulfill all my physical and emotional needs and desires while also being my sexual partner. First of all, being married precludes me from having a real relationship where that can happen, and what I mean by  that is all the perks, bells and whistle that come along when you are seeking to build a life with a new partner.  In the swingers world, that can’t happen between sexual partners. When it does, it usually leads to divorce. This divorce was likely to happen even without playing with others outside of the marriage. So, that’s not usually the cause, but just a symptom.  This is why I am very pro-polyamory (having more than one  loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent all involved).  If our society was more accepting of it, I would certainly find myself in that situation. I know I have the capacity to love more than one man at a time. Besides, I truly don’t think one person can fulfill all your needs, emotional or physical and nor should they have to.

Despite some of the pitfalls, I think I have the best of both worlds. I have a stable marriage with my husband, a wonderful play partner that I enjoy  my morning coffee with every day, and great sex with at least once a month. So, you see, the sex might not be often, but the friendship and closeness we have after 9 months is fantastic. You could say I’m a very lucky woman. No, we don’t tell each other we love each other or pledge our undying love, but we have a different kind of closeness. It’s “No Ordinary Love” as he once pointed out to me. We can’t allow ourselves to cross those boundaries. If we did, then both our marriages could be in trouble. I use to long for him to fulfill my emotional needs but I realize that would be a mistake. Although, I have been asked the question by a couple of friends if I would leave my husband for him. There are days that I would in a heartbeat. But there are also days where I think to myself that he cheats on his wife. Why would I want to put myself through that. Then I think that I would be happy to have sex with him at least once a week, more if we had the time so he would have no need to go elsewhere. It’s sort of like a cat chasing it’s tail. I spin the same way on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to leave my husband, it’s just on those days that I’m annoyed and angry at him. After 25 years together, they are certainly bound to happen. Even after a couple of months together that can happen. Doesn’t mean you ruin a good thing when the chips are down.

The major decision that I came to today was that I would no longer look for a long-term partner but instead go the to local swinger parties  and clubs around town and find myself a little fun there. As you can imagine, sex once a month with my partner isn’t enough, so having a bit of fun at the club is what I need to do to fulfill my sexual needs. No worries of building long-term relationships for the time being. I can have casual, consensual sex with men who I find interesting and attractive.  If a relationship builds while at the club, then that’s fine, but I won’t be looking for it anymore. I will be content to be with my husband and my sexual partner and enjoy the perks of playing with whomever I desire, in a clean and safe environment.

Swinging is great!

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