Swinging – A Letter to my Lover

Who knew that day a year ago that we would still be together in this capacity. I certainly didn’t know what to expect when I met him but I did know immediately that I liked him. I could sense he was a nice person and that he would be easy to get along with. I was right about that. The fact that was tall, dark and handsome was certainly a bonus. Up until that point, I didn’t know I had a type. When I saw him walk into the coffee shop with his suit and beautiful smile, I decided right there and then that I had a type and he was it.

Advertisements

 

Yesterday was the one year anniversary that my partner Matt and I have been together. In honour of our anniversary, I decided to write him a letter about how I have been feeling and that I am very happy that we have managed to stay together.

Who knew that day a year ago that we would still be together in this capacity. I certainly didn’t know what to expect when I met him but I did know immediately that I liked him. I could sense he was a nice person and that he would be easy to get along with. I was right about that. The fact that was tall, dark and handsome was certainly a bonus. Up until that point, I didn’t know I had a type. When I saw him walk into the coffee shop with his suit and beautiful smile, I decided right there and then that I had a type and he was it.
I have wonderful memories of the beginning of our relationship. Laughing and making plans and creating our sexual bucket lists all while enjoying each others company. I remember being in the coffee shop and he would slip his hand up my skirt to find out I wasn’t wearing panties. Or he would have me lean forward so he could look down my top. Or while sitting in a workshop, he would snap a picture of his penis and send it to me. It was fun and light and we maximized on the sexual tension that was between us leading up to our next play date. Remembering those coffee dates will always be cherished and will always put a smile on my face.
I must admit, there have been times that I wondered if we were going to make it this far. For instance, when he came back from his month-long business trip. He had changed so much and we no longer had that light playfulness between us. It was actually painful at times and I remember crying for an hour after we had our first meeting. It was extremely sad. I’m not exactly sure how we made it past that point but something turned around along the way, I’m not sure where or when, but I was glad we stuck it out. It would have been a mistake to let it end that way because it had been so wonderful up to that point and became wonderful again.
For a month leading up to Christmas, I had resigned to being just with him and was quite content that way.  Meeting  him every morning for coffee was enough for me and I wished it could have continued. I was happy and felt very fulfilled with our relationship the way it was. Unfortunately, it all came to an abrupt end when my office moved across town. Now we try to see each other at least once a week but that’s not always feasible either.

The reason I decided to write the letter was to express to him all the feelings that I have kept pent up. As you can imagine, after a year, feelings grow but he is married and therefore, it is somewhat easier to keep them at bay and not get too caught up into the moment.

And I have my artist partner now as well. He is a widower. He is more the way I am. I need to tell people how I feel about them and express my feelings. He does as well. This makes it much easier to share our feelings knowing full well that I am still married and therefore nothing will come of it.

But therein lies the problem.  Is it really fair that I allow myself to get swept up in a relationship with a man, while married? Yes, my husband has given me permission to play with others, but when I embarked on this lifestyle, I agreed to not date single men. With my artist, things have taken a bit of a turn. I wasn’t planning on playing with him at all. The purpose of meeting with him was to pose and for him to sculpt and paint me. But, I felt very good with him and we had an instant connection. So far, I have stayed at his home overnight twice now and I have never done that with any of my other partners. We see each other at least twice or three times a week. We love each others company and have a wonderful sexual relationship together.  This is all pretty scary. Now, I realize that we never would have allowed our emotional relationship to move as quickly if we were both single, knowing the implications of what that means, but we have expressed ourselves freely  because of me being married.  I’ve never done that with my other partners.

When I started out in this lifestyle, my expectations were never to find a new husband. I love my husband now and I did when I started out. But, I have realized was that I missed the connection and emotional attachment with my husband. Yes, the sex was gone, but so were the other elements. They are extremely important aspects of a marriage and when those are all missing, there’s not much else. We have a friendship and a wonderful son, a beautiful history together but is that always enough? What about the passion and love? Does that ever come back? Do I ruin what we have and hope that one day I will capture all that I feel I have been missing with another man? It scares the hell out of me. But at the same time, staying scares me too. After all, I’m not getting younger.

PS. The reply I received from my partner Matt to the letter I sent to him was simply wonderful. Suffice it to say, he feels the same and even used the words love when he spoke about he and I. He didn’t say he loved me but he did say there was love and for me, that’s good enough. That’s the first time he has ever come close to admitting those feelings to me. 🙂  I’m a happy woman.

On another note, I will be an even happier women by the end of today. The reason for that is my partner Matt is coming over to my artist partner’s home and Matt and I will pose for him so he can sculpt us. Then the three of us will have a play date together. I can’t wait. Threesomes are absolutely the best!

 

1 thought on “Swinging – A Letter to my Lover”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s