Priorities

I guess with so many changes happening in my life and nobody to talk to about them, this will have to be my outlet. It’s not that I don’t have friends, it’s just that I am someone who is an open book with the right person in my life. Up until now, that’s been my husband. I am very open with Gary but he has very little time to sit and chat and  let’s face it, sometimes what I need to do is to complain about is him!

As I mentioned in the past, Gary is an artist and does renovations on the side. He also works full-time at a desk at the moment. So, he has a full schedule. Once he gets home from his 9-5 job, he changes and heads out to do renovations. He needs the extra cash to pay off some debt he accumulated when he was being frivolous with his money and from when he was injured and couldn’t work.

When he’s not working his day job or doing renovations, he loves to focus on his art. I love the fact that he is an artist. He’s a very good one too. I’ve posted some of his paintings here on my blog. But more and more I find he is finding less and less time to spend with me. I know he has bills to pay and I know he has art to create so he can show and sell pieces. But, will there be a time that he puts me as a priority? I wonder.

The reason I ask myself this question is that he has been promising me for weeks now that he will be spending the whole long weekend with me at my house. My son is moving out and my husband is going to visit his sister. So, great, I finally get to spend a weekend at home, something I haven’t had the chance to do in 6 months or so. But, now he has to prepare for his sculpting exhibit coming up in October and because he hasn’t been home in the evenings to work on his sculptures, he has decided that next weekend is when he will be doing it. Understandable because he needs to provide the art show with pictures of his finished art work. So, again, I am left in 2nd place on his priority list. I suggested today that he bring his sculpture here to work on so we can spend time at my place but I seriously doubt he will even view that as an option.

We are also supposed to go to a swing party next Saturday but I will tell him that we can cancel it. I’m sure he will be relieved. We can always go the following weekend. The theme is Back to School so I will get to wear my sexy school girl uniform. I’ll tell you how it goes if we end up going. It’s usually a good time.

I will try to keep the drama and anxiety to a minimum and get back to focusing on my swinging experiences for now on. I just sometimes need to vent and put my thoughts on paper to remove some of the clutter going on in my mind. Perhaps I’m just expecting too much from a new relationship. In my humble opinion, I always thought that relationships take work and both partners need to be present. That requires being together whenever possible. I guess I’m not use to this lifestyle. My husband doesn’t have hobbies or work long hours so he is always home. I suppose I like that about our relationship. I like having the people I love to be around. When they aren’t around, I get lonely and start to think the worst.  All the arguments and discussions we have come back to haunt me. Like him talking about his former girlfriend again. I’m not sure why he needs to keep bringing her up. I suggested today that he should go back to her because he brings her up daily in one way or another so he must miss her. It’s irritating especially knowing she didn’t treat him very well. Maybe I need to do the same so that he pays more attention to me. I feel sometimes that he doesn’t have room for me in his life and if I hadn’t gotten him a job with me, I would rarely see him.

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The Second Half of our Lives

Things need to change between us. I love him and I know he loves me. We are 2 very different people with a lot in common but we have a lot to learn about each other. Let’s hope that we we both learn keeps us on the ultimate path we both want – to be together for the second half of our lives.

This blog is a bit different than most of them. I guess I need to rant and let out some frustration here because I have nobody I can turn to. So, bare with me please.

A couple of weeks ago, Gary and I talked about moving in together. I was quite exciting when he asked and thought I was the luckiest woman in the world. Neither of us are in a real hurry,  and both agreed that it was our ultimate goal.  I decided I wanted to wait until at least next summer so I could experience life on my own. I have never lived by myself and decided that I need to have a bit of time alone after my son moves out this September and my husband leaves in October. Gary is in full agreement because he neither is prepared for such a big step albeit one we wish to aim for.

But now I wonder if it’s really the best decision for me. Here’s my story:

The weekend started like any other weekend. Gary and I went back to his place on Friday after work before he went off to his second job for the day as a renovator. He left at around 4pm to go and I stayed at his place as always. I cleaned the bedroom, vacuumed the main floor and washed the dishes. After living alone for as long as he has, he has gotten into the habit of not picking up after himself. The fact that he works all day and goes to work most evenings doesn’t help the matter. He never has time to clean, so when I go there, I tend do it. I think it’s just as much for my sanity, because I’m use to a clean home, as much as it is to help him. Besides, what else am I going to do sitting around the house waiting for him to return from work.

Finally, at around 7:30 pm he arrived home. He showered and we sat around chatting a bit. We hadn’t had supper yet and I was getting hungry.  I’m a bit of a slave to my stomach. I get cranky when I get too hungry – kind of a Joe Pesci thing, if you know the commercial. But because Gary was out working, I waited. He’s the cook in this couple and a very good cook at that. Plus it’s his kitchen and knows where everything is. So, I don’t mind waiting for him for us to eat.  Then when I mentioned I was getting hungry I asked when he was going to start supper. That was the first moment that he snapped at me. I took it in stride because I knew he was tired and had a long day. So, I told him that for now on, when he works evenings, I will make dinner and he can eat when he gets home. Disagreement solved.

We ate our dinner and watched a bit of tv. We crawled into bed around 11pm and had a great time between the sheets. That’s an area where we are very compatible. We know how to please each other and we know what the other likes.

Saturday morning, we got busy doing work around the house that needed to be done. It was rather uneventful. We were planning on going to a swingers pool party but the weather wasn’t agreeing with our plans so we cancelled. We decided that maybe we would go to the swingers club for couples night instead. As the afternoon wore on, Gary decided to show me pictures of Mexico where he lived for 2 months with a woman he dated for 3 years. I was ok with looking at the pictures for a short time, but it went on for over an hour and how he and her did this and that. There were numerous pictures of her in various poses around the city and half nude on their patio. I didn’t care that much at first, but it just went on for too long. I finally told him I wanted to stop looking at them because my neck was getting sore.  Granted, the pictures were beautiful but simply far too many. Well, he got a bit annoyed at me about that too. It seemed like I couldn’t win, no matter what I said.  I noticed he took a hit of pot, which I really dislike him doing that around me. I find his personality changes even if he refuses to believe me. So, I ignore it. But when I explained later when we went for a walk that I don’t want to be constantly reminded about his life with his ex-girlfriend, he seemed to understand…to a point. He seemed to think that because living in Mexico was part of his life for 2 months and he really wanted to show me, that I should be ok with it. But I reminded him that I travelled extensively throughout North America and Europe with my husband and son over the past 25 years, but do not share it all with him because it’s my past and he is my present.

Later that evening, I went for a bath.  Gary renovated his bathroom to suit his late wife. She wanted a deep tub with jets so she could soak and relax. It sounds luxurious but  the top of the top goes over my shoulders when I’m sitting down in it. I’m only 5’4″ so having a tub that big makes getting in and out of it pretty difficult.  Just picking myself up out of the tub is a job in itself. In order to get out, I need to use all my arm strength. But with a very sore shoulder, that’s not easy to do. When I finally crawled out, I made the mistake of telling him it was difficult getting out of the tub because it’s so deep. Again, he let out a big sigh. I had once again managed to annoy him. Funny enough, I’m not a complainer nor do I whine about stuff just for the sake of whining. He seemed to think that I wanted him to change the bathtub and undo all the work he did. Obviously I didn’t want that at all. After all, he made it for his wife and not only did he do an amazing job, but it’s sentimental to him and his son, I’m sure. He surrounded the bath tub with beautiful stone work and hand carved celtic stone.

When I expressed my concern with him being annoyed with me once again, he told me he wasn’t annoyed but was trying to come up with a solution. His solution was to build me my own spa bathroom if I decide to move in with him next year. A bathroom built to my specifications. That all sounds amazing, but it doesn’t take away the hurt I felt by his reaction.

We eventually went to bed, not angry but not as playful as we usually are. I felt sad that our evening had been riddled with tension.

Sunday morning finally rolled around and again, he snapped at something else. I finally had enough and went into the house to think. I needed to decide if this was how I was going to live out my next 25 years. Do I want to be with a man who has a short fuse with me, loves to tease me in a hurtful ways or is simply annoyed by me and my ways?  I’m not use to being spoken to the way he talks to me. My husband doesn’t speak to me that way and I wouldn’t accept it from anyone else. Maybe I am flawed and possibly one of those flaws are me being too sensitive. If that’s the case, he will have to learn to adjust his ways and I will have to toughen up.

But at the same time, I know he loves me. We’ve been “together” for 8 months now and I feel it very day in the little gestures he does. He’s kind, considerate and makes me laugh. Not to mention the intimate connection we share together. That’s a strong pull. Plus he is willing to renovate a small portion of his home for me if that’s what I want. And since he met me, he has decided to finally fix up his backyard and his front yard so we can enjoy it together. But, do I really want to live in his and her home. The home he shared with his wife for 25 years before she passed away? I’m not sure I want to. It doesn’t feel like home to me. It doesn’t feel like I belong there. Not only that, I don’t feel comfortable asking him to make changes for me.  He loves his home and he has good memories there, which is wonderful but it’s just not my place. No more than my home is his style or in his comfort zone. What I really think we should do is to buy a home that represents the two of us and the life we want to share together. Something that allows us equal input into the decor and changes that will be needed. But I don’t think he can hear me. I think he will continue on doing his renovations with the hope that I will change my mind and be ok with moving in.

But the way I look at it, what I need to do is to decide if I want to be with him. I don’t enjoy having my flaws pointed out to me for the benefit of his enjoyment. I know I’m less than perfect, but he is too. I just don’t have the need to keep reminding him the way he loves to tease me and remind me. It’s hurtful and I want it to stop. I told him before leaving today and we will see if he has heard me.

Things need to change between us. I love him and I know he loves me. We are 2 very different people with a lot in common but we have a lot to learn about each other. Let’s hope that we we both learn keeps us on the ultimate path we both want – to be together for the second half of our lives.

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Top 10!

Wednesday evening we were supposed to meet with one of my young play partners. Nick, a 25 year old swinger asked to meet with me and my partner to play. Gary lives alone so having people over during the week is never a problem. I packed my stuff and planned to stay the night.

As the evening started, he made us a couple of pina colada’s to drink. They were delicious and gave me that extra sense of relaxation that I enjoy having before playing. But as the evening moved on, it became more apparent that Nick wasn’t going to show up. That was fine by me. I was disappointed, but knowing that I was about to play, and knowing that my lover was an amazing lover, I didn’t mind at all.

By 8pm, we finished our drinks and moved into the bedroom. Our play sessions started like any other one, with Gary and I kissing and touching. The foreplay is always sensual and sexy. Kissing, oral play and touch heightens the sense of need and urgency. But when that urgency turned more to need, he put his fingers between my legs and proceeded to gently massage my pussy. He moved quicker and quicker then before I knew it, I was squirting all over his hands, chest, arms and it even managed to splash my face. It was incredible and I was wet! My stomach became just as slippery as my pussy. I was laughing and moaning and squirming all at once. It was erotic and fun, not to mention how amazing it felt. Wow!  And that was just the start.

 

 

 

 

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