It’s a New Day

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So, it finally happened. My husband moved out of the house yesterday and that means today I start my new life as a single woman.

In hindsight, calling my blog “Swinging to Keep my Marriage” wasn’t well thought out. Although, the purpose of us having an open marriage was so that I could be fulfilled sexually while continuing to stay married. My husband wasn’t interested in sex and that was a huge issue in our marriage. So, when he agreed to allow me to have sex with other men, I thought it would help keep us together. What I didn’t expect was that I would eventually recognize that there were a lot of other issues that were wrong with our marriage.

Every marriage has it’s problems, that much is true. But when finances and sex are an issue, that can be a real deal breaker. Ultimately, that’s what happened with us. I was tired of being broke and tired of having to seek out sexual favours from other men because he didn’t want to satisfy me. This really came to a head in the winter when I had to leave my current partner’s home in the middle of the night so that I could be home before our son realized I was out all night. I just felt miserable and cold getting into the car at 2 am in the middle of a snowstorm. I decided at that point that I no longer wanted to live this way. I needed more in my life than what I was getting.

Coming to the realization after 25 years that I no longer wanted to be with my husband was in some ways easy, but at the same time very hard. Although it was my decision, I have been finding the whole transition difficult. The idea of living on my own for the first time in my life is scary. I left my parents home at the age of 21 and got married. When that marriage broke up, I moved back home. Then, while working a the local college, I met my husband and we moved in together within 6 months. That was 25 years ago. Most of our marriage was pretty great. There were ups and downs like everything else in life but it was good. The best part of course was our son. He brings so much joy to us. He was truly the reason why we stayed together as long as we did. But, he is 22 now and our raising him to be a productive, thoughtful human being, has come to an end. No, parenting never ends, but he doesn’t need us the same way anymore. And now that he  moved out of the house last month, that has become more and more apparent.  This also means am truly alone in the house.

Now, I need to take my fear of being alone and turn it into something that is positive. Knowing that I will be able to have my partner in my bed along with the other guys that I enjoy playing with in my home, might be a great start.

Despite my marriage breaking up, I feel that my sexuality has been a great aspect in my life. I love sex and I love to pleasure others. So, if my marriage ending in part because of that, well I guess I have to accept it. After all, sex is a huge part of my life and should have always been. Going without sex for almost 12 years is now unthinkable. I will never again allow that to happen to me.

Now it’s time to let the adventures begin. Stay tuned to see what doors will open for me. Now that I have my home to myself, my partner Gary at my side, there’s a number of crazy, awesome sexual prospect on the horizon.

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Priorities

I guess with so many changes happening in my life and nobody to talk to about them, this will have to be my outlet. It’s not that I don’t have friends, it’s just that I am someone who is an open book with the right person in my life. Up until now, that’s been my husband. I am very open with Gary but he has very little time to sit and chat and  let’s face it, sometimes what I need to do is to complain about is him!

As I mentioned in the past, Gary is an artist and does renovations on the side. He also works full-time at a desk at the moment. So, he has a full schedule. Once he gets home from his 9-5 job, he changes and heads out to do renovations. He needs the extra cash to pay off some debt he accumulated when he was being frivolous with his money and from when he was injured and couldn’t work.

When he’s not working his day job or doing renovations, he loves to focus on his art. I love the fact that he is an artist. He’s a very good one too. I’ve posted some of his paintings here on my blog. But more and more I find he is finding less and less time to spend with me. I know he has bills to pay and I know he has art to create so he can show and sell pieces. But, will there be a time that he puts me as a priority? I wonder.

The reason I ask myself this question is that he has been promising me for weeks now that he will be spending the whole long weekend with me at my house. My son is moving out and my husband is going to visit his sister. So, great, I finally get to spend a weekend at home, something I haven’t had the chance to do in 6 months or so. But, now he has to prepare for his sculpting exhibit coming up in October and because he hasn’t been home in the evenings to work on his sculptures, he has decided that next weekend is when he will be doing it. Understandable because he needs to provide the art show with pictures of his finished art work. So, again, I am left in 2nd place on his priority list. I suggested today that he bring his sculpture here to work on so we can spend time at my place but I seriously doubt he will even view that as an option.

We are also supposed to go to a swing party next Saturday but I will tell him that we can cancel it. I’m sure he will be relieved. We can always go the following weekend. The theme is Back to School so I will get to wear my sexy school girl uniform. I’ll tell you how it goes if we end up going. It’s usually a good time.

I will try to keep the drama and anxiety to a minimum and get back to focusing on my swinging experiences for now on. I just sometimes need to vent and put my thoughts on paper to remove some of the clutter going on in my mind. Perhaps I’m just expecting too much from a new relationship. In my humble opinion, I always thought that relationships take work and both partners need to be present. That requires being together whenever possible. I guess I’m not use to this lifestyle. My husband doesn’t have hobbies or work long hours so he is always home. I suppose I like that about our relationship. I like having the people I love to be around. When they aren’t around, I get lonely and start to think the worst.  All the arguments and discussions we have come back to haunt me. Like him talking about his former girlfriend again. I’m not sure why he needs to keep bringing her up. I suggested today that he should go back to her because he brings her up daily in one way or another so he must miss her. It’s irritating especially knowing she didn’t treat him very well. Maybe I need to do the same so that he pays more attention to me. I feel sometimes that he doesn’t have room for me in his life and if I hadn’t gotten him a job with me, I would rarely see him.

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