So, it finally happened. My husband moved out of the house yesterday and that means today I start my new life as a single woman.
In hindsight, calling my blog “Swinging to Keep my Marriage” wasn’t well thought out. Although, the purpose of us having an open marriage was so that I could be fulfilled sexually while continuing to stay married. My husband wasn’t interested in sex and that was a huge issue in our marriage. So, when he agreed to allow me to have sex with other men, I thought it would help keep us together. What I didn’t expect was that I would eventually recognize that there were a lot of other issues that were wrong with our marriage.
Every marriage has it’s problems, that much is true. But when finances and sex are an issue, that can be a real deal breaker. Ultimately, that’s what happened with us. I was tired of being broke and tired of having to seek out sexual favours from other men because he didn’t want to satisfy me. This really came to a head in the winter when I had to leave my current partner’s home in the middle of the night so that I could be home before our son realized I was out all night. I just felt miserable and cold getting into the car at 2 am in the middle of a snowstorm. I decided at that point that I no longer wanted to live this way. I needed more in my life than what I was getting.
Coming to the realization after 25 years that I no longer wanted to be with my husband was in some ways easy, but at the same time very hard. Although it was my decision, I have been finding the whole transition difficult. The idea of living on my own for the first time in my life is scary. I left my parents home at the age of 21 and got married. When that marriage broke up, I moved back home. Then, while working a the local college, I met my husband and we moved in together within 6 months. That was 25 years ago. Most of our marriage was pretty great. There were ups and downs like everything else in life but it was good. The best part of course was our son. He brings so much joy to us. He was truly the reason why we stayed together as long as we did. But, he is 22 now and our raising him to be a productive, thoughtful human being, has come to an end. No, parenting never ends, but he doesn’t need us the same way anymore. And now that he moved out of the house last month, that has become more and more apparent. This also means am truly alone in the house.
Now, I need to take my fear of being alone and turn it into something that is positive. Knowing that I will be able to have my partner in my bed along with the other guys that I enjoy playing with in my home, might be a great start.
Despite my marriage breaking up, I feel that my sexuality has been a great aspect in my life. I love sex and I love to pleasure others. So, if my marriage ending in part because of that, well I guess I have to accept it. After all, sex is a huge part of my life and should have always been. Going without sex for almost 12 years is now unthinkable. I will never again allow that to happen to me.
Now it’s time to let the adventures begin. Stay tuned to see what doors will open for me. Now that I have my home to myself, my partner Gary at my side, there’s a number of crazy, awesome sexual prospect on the horizon.