It’s a New Day

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So, it finally happened. My husband moved out of the house yesterday and that means today I start my new life as a single woman.

In hindsight, calling my blog “Swinging to Keep my Marriage” wasn’t well thought out. Although, the purpose of us having an open marriage was so that I could be fulfilled sexually while continuing to stay married. My husband wasn’t interested in sex and that was a huge issue in our marriage. So, when he agreed to allow me to have sex with other men, I thought it would help keep us together. What I didn’t expect was that I would eventually recognize that there were a lot of other issues that were wrong with our marriage.

Every marriage has it’s problems, that much is true. But when finances and sex are an issue, that can be a real deal breaker. Ultimately, that’s what happened with us. I was tired of being broke and tired of having to seek out sexual favours from other men because he didn’t want to satisfy me. This really came to a head in the winter when I had to leave my current partner’s home in the middle of the night so that I could be home before our son realized I was out all night. I just felt miserable and cold getting into the car at 2 am in the middle of a snowstorm. I decided at that point that I no longer wanted to live this way. I needed more in my life than what I was getting.

Coming to the realization after 25 years that I no longer wanted to be with my husband was in some ways easy, but at the same time very hard. Although it was my decision, I have been finding the whole transition difficult. The idea of living on my own for the first time in my life is scary. I left my parents home at the age of 21 and got married. When that marriage broke up, I moved back home. Then, while working a the local college, I met my husband and we moved in together within 6 months. That was 25 years ago. Most of our marriage was pretty great. There were ups and downs like everything else in life but it was good. The best part of course was our son. He brings so much joy to us. He was truly the reason why we stayed together as long as we did. But, he is 22 now and our raising him to be a productive, thoughtful human being, has come to an end. No, parenting never ends, but he doesn’t need us the same way anymore. And now that he  moved out of the house last month, that has become more and more apparent.  This also means am truly alone in the house.

Now, I need to take my fear of being alone and turn it into something that is positive. Knowing that I will be able to have my partner in my bed along with the other guys that I enjoy playing with in my home, might be a great start.

Despite my marriage breaking up, I feel that my sexuality has been a great aspect in my life. I love sex and I love to pleasure others. So, if my marriage ending in part because of that, well I guess I have to accept it. After all, sex is a huge part of my life and should have always been. Going without sex for almost 12 years is now unthinkable. I will never again allow that to happen to me.

Now it’s time to let the adventures begin. Stay tuned to see what doors will open for me. Now that I have my home to myself, my partner Gary at my side, there’s a number of crazy, awesome sexual prospect on the horizon.

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Bi-play

It was something I had never encountered before so I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it. It turns out that it wasn’t a turn-on nor a turn-off. I was seeing it as pleasure. Pleasure for me, pleasure for Gary and pleasure for our new friend Dave

Last Saturday night we met someone new. A bisexual male. I’ve been looking for a bisexual male to play with for a few months now because I wanted my partner Gary to experience the same sexual excitement that I have when playing with 2 men. Up until now, the other men have all been straight.

Gary is bi and since we’ve been together for the past 8 months, he has not had bi-play experience with me. Yes, he has gone on his own with a couple he played with in the past, but never with me. So, for me it was something new that I wanted to be a part of with him. I myself am not bi. Although, I have had encounters with 2 women but it was never because it was something I was seeking. It was more simply because the play was organic and this was all in part of the pleasure. It was not a turn-on but it was not a turn-off either. The first encounter was with a woman who I liked very much personality-wise but didn’t find her body appealing to me. The second time was with a tall, athletic beautiful blond and her boyfriend. They were both in their 20s. She was super hot and like I said, I’m not into women. But when she went down on me, it was wonderful. You forget yourself and just go with the sensation and how good it feels. So, I wanted to give her the pleasure she gave me. She loved it and so did her boyfriend. As I was eating her, he was taking me from behind. 🙂  It was a win-win for all of us.

Now back to my Saturday night last week.

It all started off with us meeting a man we met on the site. We had drinks and talked for over an hour. It turns out we had a lot in common as far as our career paths took us. So, it was an enjoyable evening. When he got up to go to the bathroom, Gary turned to me and asked if I was interested in playing with him. I said I would be. Then when our new friend returned to the table, I got up to go to the bathroom, wearing my tightest and sexiest dress, and when Dave, our new friend saw my full body, he gasped and grinned. He liked was he was seeing. As expected, he and Gary talked about the 3 of us playing together that night. Everyone was in agreement that we should have fun together.

Once I returned from the bathroom, we headed off to Dave’s place which was within walking distance. He admitted to us that he had a hard-on the whole time we were sitting there chatting. My dress was a bit low cut but still acceptable to be in public. Clearly his imagination was working well and when he saw my skin-tight dress running along my curves, to him, that’s what sold it. Not to mention the nudes he saw of me on the site. 😉  I don’t mean to sound like I’m god’s gift to men or anything, but men seem to be very attracted to my body. I have an hour glass figure and wear a size 10. So, I’m not heavy but not skinny. Just enough meat to hang on to when riding from behind but a great view from the front. I love my body and I take care of it. I guess it shows.

Playing at Dave’s place was fun. While he was fucking me, Gary was down eating me and licking Dave. Or when I would suck Dave, my partner Gary would come and share Dave’s cock with me. It was something I had never encountered before so I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it. It turns out that it wasn’t a turn-on nor a turn-off. I was seeing it as pleasure. Pleasure for me, pleasure for Gary and pleasure for our new friend Dave. It was a 2 hour romp and when we finally ended it all, I was thoroughly exhausted and could not orgasm anymore if I wanted to.

That was last Saturday. Now, tonight will be a different play date all together. We are heading off to our swingers pool party that we enjoy.

Hopefully I’ll have a great story to tell you the next time.

Until then, stay sexy and stay safe.

xx

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Three Men and a Lady – My First Foursome

I had just experienced my first MMMF. I could not have continued playing any more that I had at that point, or so I thought​. ​

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I’ve been asked by a couple of readers to expand on my foursome experience from a few weeks ago. So, here it is.

A few weeks ago, we went to a swing party at a home ​an hour outside of town. ​ ​I had been there on my own in the past but this was the first time for Gary to go. He’d never been to a swing party at a home with this many people. ​There were about 40 couples and a ​few​ single guys ​on this particular night​.​ We were celebrating Easter so all the women were wearing their best Playboy Bunny outfits. A few men were dressed as Hugh Heffner so that was a lot of fun. I received several compliments on my costume. From what I was told, when I walked by, not only were the men watching me, but so were several women. My curves and long blond hair attract a lot of attention.

Gary and I were probably the first to go downstairs to have fun in the play area. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This was his first time there and he was excited to play. One by one, other couples came downstairs to join us in​ the play area as well. There was enough room around us that we had plenty​ of space​ to enjoy ourselves. After a while, Mike, a guy I had met before but never played with, came down to watch the action. At that point, Gary had asked me if I wanted to have someone join us. I thought to myself, why no​t, ​I know how much fun it can be. So, I invited Mike over. Wow, I was glad I did. Not only was he well endowed, but he has a great body. The whole package really. So, the three of us played ​blissfully​ together ​while​ the play area got more and more busy. Eventually, a couple​​ l​aid​ next to us. ​The room was getting crowded and there were about 6 other couples playing. ​At one point, the woman invited her husband to join her and her play partner. But, instead, he​ sat down behind Gary and​ started to touch me. First, he touched my legs, leading up to my pussy. His hands were soft and tender. Gary was on top of me, and I was sucking Mike. I guess at one point my eyes opened wide and Gary realized that there was someone behind him. He whispered to me asking me if I wanted to have this other man leave. I told him no, it was ​not necessary​.​ Normally, an individual would not join uninvited to play with people like that but I felt safe at that moment and didn’t mind. ​Within time, this man moved up closer, and started to caress my breasts while Gary was still fucking me and I was sucking Mike. It was so hot, having these 3 men playing with me,​ and knowing​ others around were watching​ us, it was a real turn-on​. I was on top of the world. I have never had that much stimulation at once from so many men. First I would suck Mike, then turned towards the other man. Gary moved over so Mike would have a chance to fuck me while I sucked him and this other guy. Spectacular! This lasted almost 2 hours. The touching, caressing, sucking and fucking was so overwhelming. I was panting hard, orgasming like crazy and simply totally spent when we were done. I had just experienced my first MMMF.  I could not have continued playing any more that I had at that point, or so I thought​. ​We​ slowly​ got dressed and went upstairs for a drink.
Within an hour, we decided to go back downstairs because Gary was going to put me on the table to give me a massage.

​While h​e massaged me​, ​I lay quietly watching a couple play together. This​ was a couple I had played with in the past, so watching them was pleasant. I knew they were married and found it really pleasing to see them still enjoy each other as much as they did.
While Gary was massaging me, a woman ​approached us and I asked if she wanted to join in. ​ She was happy to oblige. ​Once the massage was over though, ​I asked if she would be interested in playing with us. Well, Gary ha​d​ never played with 2 women before and I had never had a partner play with me and another woman so I was nervous about how I would feel about it. ​I was worried that I would be jealous and really hate the experience. So, from the massage table​, we went to the matt where we were going to play. Immediately, Gary started to do oral on this woman. And because I’m not bi, I started to massage his back and just touch him​ wherever​. But after a few minutes, I realized that ​there was no room in this trio for me​. Seeing that’s not my style, I looked over and saw the couple that I knew still playing. At that point, the husband saw me and invited me over. So, I took advantage of the invite and went over to play with him while Gary was busy with this other woman. Gary is a very visual person. He is also someone who rarely orgasms. He has only orgasmed 2 or 3 times in the past 4 months we’ve been together. Not because he’s not stimulated but because he has trained himself to not orgasm until his partner has been totally satisfied. But then, sometimes he goes beyond the point of being able to and it simply doesn’t happen. That’s what happened that night during the foursome. He simply could not orgasm. But, once he saw me sucking my friend’s cock, while he was fucking this ​new ​woman​ that​ he did not know, well, he ​exploded.​.. he came so quickly after entering her that he felt like it was his first time having sex. He simply couldn’t help himself. He was excited about the evening, he was excited watching me give oral to another man and he was excited that I invited a woman to play with him. It was the perfect storm. He blew his load after being in this woman for about 5 minutes. Something he had never done before. It was incredible. I was so relieved that I didn’t have that sense of jealousy. How could I? He has allowed me to have as many men as I want, when I want. I could not deny him that as well.​ I was happy to do it for him and will do it again. but the next time, he knows what he needs to do in order to make it a threesome. ​

Sex is pleasure. It doesn’t have to be about jealousy and getting emotions all tangled up. Yes, it can lead to that if you play with the person often, get to know them on a personal basis, such as Gary and I have, but if it’s a one-time thing or the occasional tryst, then it can be managed. I’m just glad I ​gave him that experience​. It made him so happy that I was able to do that for him. It was worth it​ and I will do it again.​

 

 

Sensual Touch

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Another weekend, another great sensual and sexy experience! Yes, I was lucky enough to spend the weekend with my wonderful artist Gary. He is the most sensual, exhilarating man that I know.

Our Friday evening started like any other Friday evening. A little bit of chatting, a glass of wine then kissing.​ We love to kiss and I’m so happy about that. I married a man who rarely enjoyed kissing so it’s been a beautiful re-discovery. Eventually​ we moved to the bedroom, ​and ​as usual, that’s when the magic happened. We started with a full body massage.  He works with large stones when he carves and it can take a toll on his body. So, for a treat, I la​y​ him down on his stomach, ​poured ​oil all over h​is back​ and started to​ give him a​ massage. ​Hearing the moans and groans, I knew he was enjoying it. With that inspiration, I got the idea to pour oil on my breasts, and proceeded to rub my whole front side up and down his back. ​By his reaction, ​​I could tell that he was enjoying himself immensely. This lasted for a short moment, until he turned around and looked at me. He had a look I have never seen from him before. His face had an expression of tranquility and desire. It was so beautiful to see. I had managed to make him feel just as I had felt on the evening he took such good care of me with a massage back in February. ​On that particular night, we were to go to a Valentine’s swing party but I simply was feeling too sad and vulnerable. ​I was not in the frame of mind to play with anyone. So, instead, ​that evening, he made me feel loved and desired. A feeling I had not felt in a long time.

Once he turned around and looked at me, we kissed and embraced. But then, that’s where the real action started. I wanted him to feel pampered and spoiled. The best way I know how to do that is to be on top and do the work. I love being on top. I love how he enjoys it so much and calls out my name. I love how he holds my breast while I move back and forth and the way he looks into my eyes with such love and adoration.  Being on top gives me the opportunity to ultimately please him while also being pleasured. It’s simply awesome.

This was probably one of the most sensual and romantic love making sessions I have ever experienced. I know we will never be able to repeat that very experience, but I look forward to many more in the months and hopefully the years to come.

I have been lucky to have a man such as Gary in my life. Yes, we met because he wanted to photograph me with the purpose of painting and sculpting my body, but his soul is what spoke to me when we met. I fell in love with him the first time I posed nude.

​Although h​e​ continuously​ tells me that he is the lucky on​e and that he​ has hit the jackpot by meeting me. Not only does he find me very beautiful, but because I am also very sexual, that has been a huge part of our relationship. We both revel in each others bodies and truly love sex. We have had male partners join us in our fun because Gary loves to watch me have sex. He finds me at my most beautiful when I am excited and turned on. He loves to watch a man please me and bring me to climax. When we play as a threesome, Gary will watch, take a few photos then join in on the fun. This whole process is a huge turn-on for him and I love it too. What’s not to love eh. I get to be with my lover and have the pleasure of choosing another man to join us.

I have gone from zero to 100 on the sex scale of joy in a short year and a half since I’ve started in this lifestyle.

 

 

Sex on the Brain

Gary really thinks he won the lottery by being with me. In a lot of ways, I feel the same but I have a sense of emptiness sometimes

I’ve been spending a lot of my weekends with Gary lately. I went yesterday afternoon to spend time with him because he had an art show and I wanted to be there to support him. He’s a wonderfully talented artist. But I noticed during our conversations that a lot of what we have in common is sex. Our conversations tend to revolve around sex all the time. Now that I’ve started to notice it and it really has me questioning how much we have in common. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a great subject but does every conversation have to end up as a sexual innuendo or a discussion of what he wants to do sexually with me the next time?  He loves the fact that I am very sexual but it also stresses me out in the sense that if I ever decide I need to step away from playing so much, how will he feel? He loves that I love to play in threesomes, but I think that eventually, I will want to just be with a single partner in a loving relationship.  I don’t know if I will want to stay in this lifestyle, at least not to the point I am playing now. ​ Gary is a great lover and satisfies me completely. I do enjoy others but nobody can do it the way he does for me. Not even Matt and I’ve been with Matt for over a year.  These sex conversations are something that have been on my mind a lot today. I mentioned it briefly to him but I’m not convinced that will change anything.  I do love being with him, but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I have yet to know the answer to that.

You see,  Gary really thinks he won the lottery by being with me. In a lot of ways, I feel the same but I have a sense of emptiness sometimes.   I want to feel whole and joyful but I don’t.  Perhaps it’s because I am uneasy with my son knowing that I play with other men and that I was out last night at a man’s place. He doesn’t know who’s place but he knows I was out.  Perhaps if my son didn’t know, maybe I would feel fine today. I don’t know. Maybe I feel dirty and I don’t like this feeling. When my son didn’t know about what I was doing, I didn’t have this issue so much, but now that he does, hiding it is much harder.

There’s also the fact that Gary told me that he would be going to Toronto with a female friend (V) of his that he played with before. She likes to go to a swing club out there and always asks that he take her because she doesn’t like to go alone. It kind of annoys me that I will miss out on a Saturday night with him because of her. The worst part is, I know she wants to be more to him than a friend but he doesn’t see it. I remind him that every time he does something like this with her, it sends her the wrong signals. She probably thinks that he will eventually leave me and go with her. He tells me he’s not interested in her. She’s a big woman and although that doesn’t bother him, I still think he likes the fact that she wants him and it makes me crazy.  I’ve never had to share any of my partners with other women. They always only had me as a partner. Now, with Gary, he has his V and a couple that he plays with. I don’t mind the couple, but him playing with V who is a single woman that make me crazy, I simply want to scream!

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I DID IT!

 

Well, I finally did it. Two major life events happened to me this past weekend; one great and the other, not so great.sadness-girl-umbrella-winter-sea-bridge-hd-wallpaper

First the great one!

My partner and I went to a swing party at a private home this past Saturday night. The theme for the evening was Playboy Bunny in honour of Easter being next weekend.  There were sexy bunnies all over the house and one Hugh Hefner. It was great!  But the best part of it all was that I had my first MMMF and it wasn’t even intentional. lol

I was playing with my partner Gary on the mattress having our own fun, then we decided to invite Mike to play, a guy that I’ve known since last summer but never played with.  We played the three of us together for 30 minutes. Gary, being very visual,  said I was watched non-stop by others who were standing around. While riding Mike at one point, there were no less than 10 people watching. It was a thrill.  Then, while the three of us were playing, a guy who’s wife was playing beside us came over and started touching me. Gary asked me if I wanted him to stop but I said no, I was fine with it. It’s unusual for someone to touch without asking first but in this case, I didn’t mind too much. I saw who it was and knew that his wife was beside me so I felt safe knowing he wasn’t going to do anything too weird.  It was all pretty incredible. I have never had 3 pairs of hands touching and caressing me at once while I had a penis in my mouth, and one in my pussy. Wow, is all I can say about that.

Even while wearing my bunny outfit, Gary would walk behind me and watch all the men and women turn their heads and follow my every move. hehehe  I guess I looked kinda cute and sexy. It was incredible.

The “not so great” part of the weekend was that I had to tell my husband that we are officially separating. You might be asking yourself – Is Swinging to blame for it? I don’t know. But what I do know is that now, I feel better about things, so let me tell you why.

For those of you that have been following my blog since the beginning, you know that I started into the Swinging Lifestyle because my husband hasn’t been able to have an erection since his stroke even with the little blue pill and therefore, sex no longer was a part of our lives. He eventually became able to but simply lost interest and no longer wanted to try.  It was hurtful.  I’m sure many of you out there are saying there is more than one way to have sex, and yes, I totally agree with you. But, my husband had no interest in giving me pleasure orally or with his fingers. As a matter of fact, he was insulted that after 10 years with no sex, I bought a vibrator. Can you imagine!  I needed affection, I needed to be touched and let’s face it, I needed sex. But he was unable and unwilling to give me any. So, after much thought and a visit to a psychologist, I decided to explore the swing world. I was terrified but I knew I needed something. I could no longer live without the touch of a man or the sensation of a penis inside of me. So, you tell me, was our break-up inevitable? I think so. Nobody can live like this forever. Even my mother, a former nun in the Catholic Church, told me recently that I needed to find a man and have sex with him, even if I am still married. She say’s men do it all the time so why shouldn’t I. She is very supportive of my separation and thinks it’s about time if this is what my life has been like. I never told her about his inability to have an erection until now. She obviously doesn’t know about my lifestyle but she understands that sex is important and clearly wants me to start living again.

So, after a few hiccups over a year ago, I found 2 amazing men and spent a year having sex with them and a few others on the occasion in between. Now, I am still with one of these men – Matt, and a new man, my artist Gary for the past 4 months along with a few others for good measure. Gary loves to watch me have sex with other men (being very visual) before joining in on the fun. I love it too. Threesomes are the best.  But as I mentioned in the past, I have fallen in love with him and now I want to explore where things can go relationship wise.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t leave my husband solely because of Gary, but I guess he was a part of it. You see, my husband is a chronically depressed person. He is negative and not always pleasant to be around. He also takes me for granted more than he should. Gary, despite losing his wife to diabetes five years ago, a woman he was married to for 25 years, he still find it easy to laugh and enjoy life to the fullest. It is so refreshing. I need that in my life.

But don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy and I am still struggling with the idea that my marriage is basically over.

 

 

The Other Man

I felt like I had known him forever. I wanted to touch him, talk to him and be near him from the first day I posed nude for him. I simply couldn’t and still can’t get enough of him.

My artist is a widower.  I think I mentioned that in a previous post. He is free to love and be loved by whomever he chooses. Although it’s only been a couple of months, he has already told me that he loves me. I have fallen hard for him as well. He is able to provide me with the affection and desire that I have been lacking in my marriage for years. That need to be needed and wanted. So, therein lies the problem. I have my husband whom I share a history with and a new man that I am falling deeply in love with. I don’t have the strength to leave him knowing that our relationship could ruin my marriage. I desire him so wholly and completely. There are days when I imagine my life with him but at the same time, I can’t imagine my life without my husband.  Well, most days I can’t. Today isn’t one of them. I can very easily imagine my life without my husband.

Recently, that has been happening a lot. My husband is working evenings now so we see each other about 15 minutes a day during the week. I don’t seem to miss him at all.  Our 22 year old son has been much more talkative and outgoing with me now that his father is not around as much. It’s not that they don’t get along, it’s just that our son has no respect for his father. My husband has been out of work on and off a lot over the past 11 years. Our son finds him very complacent with regards to money, work and frankly our marriage. Our son knows that there is something going on with me, but he’s not aware of the details. I told him as much as I could – that I was not having an affair and that his father is aware of everything I am doing.  I left it at that. I didn’t tell him I was a swinger but I also did not want him to think I was having an affair. I didn’t want him to lose respect for me. So, it was important to me to set things straight. Therein lies part of the problem. He now thinks his father is a “pussy” because he’s not fighting for me or our marriage. Yes, those are the words he used in a text to his father the night I explained to him that things were not quite what they seemed. He  doesn’t understand how his father could allow me to be with other men or another man (I’m not sure what he thinks). He doesn’t understand why I stay with his father knowing full well that I have sacrificed so much of my life to keep the family together. He resents his father for not having the courage to support his family and to show ambition. Our son wants to look up to his father, but he can’t. In his eyes, there’s nothing there to admire.  You have to understand one thing about our son. He is a Type A personality. He’s competitive, brilliant (will be applying to MIT, Oxford, Cambridge and the LSE), outgoing and ambitious. His father is none of those things. I point blank asked him if he loves his father. He said he did, but has no respect for him or nothing in common with him. I find that very sad.

There was a time that I thought my husband was my ideal soulmate. We got along very well and still do in most respects. But he has changed. He is depressed and that comes out as anger. He is explosive at the smallest things. His anger is never towards me, but I am always there to see it. But now it seems that my idea of a soulmate has changed.  I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but I have found that when I first met Gary (my artist), I knew I met someone special. It was like déjà vu. I felt like I had known him forever. I wanted to touch him, talk to him and be near him from the first day I posed nude for him.  I simply couldn’t and still can’t get enough of him. Granted, we have never spent more than 2 days together and most of that time is spent in his bedroom. But we do more than have sex. We talk about the important things in life. We talk about my marriage and family, he tells me wonderful stories about his wife and their son growing up.  We talk about his art, my work, the renovations he is doing, the travelling we have both done, etc. We are never at a loss of what to say, but yet, we are also very comfortable with silence. We talk about the people we have played with and will play with together. We are very open and honest with each other about our emotional and physical needs.

Gary has told me that he is happy to be the “Other Man” if that’s what it takes for him to be in my life. He is also prepared to  have his heart broken if I decide one day that I can no longer be with him because it is ruining my marriage. But, in all honesty, I fear that he will decide to move on from me because he is looking for a woman who can provide him with a real relationship. One that entails going on holidays together, spending most evenings together and providing him with unconditional love that he deserves.  He is such a good hearted human being, and I am scared that I will lose him. He has shown me more than any man has ever given me. But ultimately, only time will tell. What we both need to do now is to focus on what we have in the present moment and enjoy each other while we can.  I really do love him. ♥  He makes me whole.

“A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.”
— Honore de Balzac