Swinging – Me, my lover and the Artist

He then spent the rest of the evening massaging me, touching me and making me feel whole again. I have never experienced such love and devotion before. He really put my needs ahead of everything. It was a sensual evening of touch, kissing, romance and music. He had a log in the fireplace, served cheese, crackers and grapes for us to snack on. Talk about a romantic.

Like I’ve been saying all year long, I’m the luckiest woman alive.  Not only do I have an amazing lover in Matt, but my new artist lover Gary has turned out to be an extraordinary man in his own right.

Our threesome was just as I expected. Absolutely wonderful. Both men in my life treat me like a lady and always put my needs and desires first. But being the type of person I am, I always want to make sure my partner is pleased as well. But while in the middle of our threesome, I was unsure of who to focus on. Did I focus on Matt, my long-term lover because he was in a strange home and new environment or did I focus on my artist because it was his home and I didn’t want him to feel left out because he is new in my life. But, being the gentle beautiful man that he is, he stepped back and made sure that Matt and I were comfortable together in his presence first and foremost. He decided to take photos of us together to start, to get us comfortable with him being there and so that he could sketch us together later on. The sketch on the top of this blog is one that he will paint and put over his bed in his room. He doesn’t care that it’s another man in the painting, he just loves knowing that when he took the picture, I was fully satisfied and happy. He always puts my needs before his at all times.

Once he was finished with his photography, he joined us and the play began. It was spectacular. Between the two of them, I was constantly moaning and groaning and in complete ecstasy. They are both very attentive lovers and always ensure that I am pleased first and foremost.  So, knowing that, I wanted to ensure that they were equally pleased too. I never expect my lovers to only give without me returning the pleasure. So, I did. Sometimes I focused more on one than the other, sometimes at the same time. When it was only one at a time, the other would step back and watch.  It was an incredible experience. Threesomes can be extremely satisfying with the right partners.

I really don’t think this experience would ever have been so amazing and sensual if I hadn’t felt the way I do about my guys. Yes, I love Matt and after a year, I don’t think that’s a big surprise. I don’t think I could have played with him this whole time without developing feelings for him. Whereas Gary, it happened very quickly. He’s got an amazing soul and being.  He makes me laugh and makes me smile. When I’m in a bad mood, just one look at him, and I feel better immediately.

For instance, this weekend we were suppose to go to a Valentine swing party. He was going to bring the food, I was bringing the gift for the gift exchange. Our plan was to play together, have fun in the hot tub and possibly find others to play with. He’d never been to this place and I wanted him to experience it. I have been a couple of times already and I know going with him would have been a lot of fun.

But, I wasn’t feeling well. I was bloated, had pain in my shoulder and felt very cranky. So, instead of going to the party, I went to his place to spend the night. When I arrived at his home, he had heating pads for my neck and shoulders, as well as one for my belly. He then spent the rest of the evening massaging me, touching me and making me feel whole again. I have never experienced such love and devotion before. He really put my needs ahead of everything. It was a sensual evening of touch, kissing, romance and music. He had a log in the fireplace, served cheese, crackers and grapes for us to snack on. Talk about a romantic.  Not once did he ask to play or expect to. No expectations, no demands and no mention of being disappointed that we couldn’t play. He really is one in a million.

But as the night progressed and I started to feel better, so we played for a while. We played again when we woke up at 4:30 am. Morning sex really is great. Something I knew nothing about before he and I got together. My husband was never much into sex in the morning – or was that me? Regardless, I have discovered how great it really can be.  When we were finished playing, we snuggled in each others arms and fell back to sleep for a few more hours.

Blissful.

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Swinging – A Letter to my Lover

Who knew that day a year ago that we would still be together in this capacity. I certainly didn’t know what to expect when I met him but I did know immediately that I liked him. I could sense he was a nice person and that he would be easy to get along with. I was right about that. The fact that was tall, dark and handsome was certainly a bonus. Up until that point, I didn’t know I had a type. When I saw him walk into the coffee shop with his suit and beautiful smile, I decided right there and then that I had a type and he was it.

 

Yesterday was the one year anniversary that my partner Matt and I have been together. In honour of our anniversary, I decided to write him a letter about how I have been feeling and that I am very happy that we have managed to stay together.

Who knew that day a year ago that we would still be together in this capacity. I certainly didn’t know what to expect when I met him but I did know immediately that I liked him. I could sense he was a nice person and that he would be easy to get along with. I was right about that. The fact that was tall, dark and handsome was certainly a bonus. Up until that point, I didn’t know I had a type. When I saw him walk into the coffee shop with his suit and beautiful smile, I decided right there and then that I had a type and he was it.
I have wonderful memories of the beginning of our relationship. Laughing and making plans and creating our sexual bucket lists all while enjoying each others company. I remember being in the coffee shop and he would slip his hand up my skirt to find out I wasn’t wearing panties. Or he would have me lean forward so he could look down my top. Or while sitting in a workshop, he would snap a picture of his penis and send it to me. It was fun and light and we maximized on the sexual tension that was between us leading up to our next play date. Remembering those coffee dates will always be cherished and will always put a smile on my face.
I must admit, there have been times that I wondered if we were going to make it this far. For instance, when he came back from his month-long business trip. He had changed so much and we no longer had that light playfulness between us. It was actually painful at times and I remember crying for an hour after we had our first meeting. It was extremely sad. I’m not exactly sure how we made it past that point but something turned around along the way, I’m not sure where or when, but I was glad we stuck it out. It would have been a mistake to let it end that way because it had been so wonderful up to that point and became wonderful again.
For a month leading up to Christmas, I had resigned to being just with him and was quite content that way.  Meeting  him every morning for coffee was enough for me and I wished it could have continued. I was happy and felt very fulfilled with our relationship the way it was. Unfortunately, it all came to an abrupt end when my office moved across town. Now we try to see each other at least once a week but that’s not always feasible either.

The reason I decided to write the letter was to express to him all the feelings that I have kept pent up. As you can imagine, after a year, feelings grow but he is married and therefore, it is somewhat easier to keep them at bay and not get too caught up into the moment.

And I have my artist partner now as well. He is a widower. He is more the way I am. I need to tell people how I feel about them and express my feelings. He does as well. This makes it much easier to share our feelings knowing full well that I am still married and therefore nothing will come of it.

But therein lies the problem.  Is it really fair that I allow myself to get swept up in a relationship with a man, while married? Yes, my husband has given me permission to play with others, but when I embarked on this lifestyle, I agreed to not date single men. With my artist, things have taken a bit of a turn. I wasn’t planning on playing with him at all. The purpose of meeting with him was to pose and for him to sculpt and paint me. But, I felt very good with him and we had an instant connection. So far, I have stayed at his home overnight twice now and I have never done that with any of my other partners. We see each other at least twice or three times a week. We love each others company and have a wonderful sexual relationship together.  This is all pretty scary. Now, I realize that we never would have allowed our emotional relationship to move as quickly if we were both single, knowing the implications of what that means, but we have expressed ourselves freely  because of me being married.  I’ve never done that with my other partners.

When I started out in this lifestyle, my expectations were never to find a new husband. I love my husband now and I did when I started out. But, I have realized was that I missed the connection and emotional attachment with my husband. Yes, the sex was gone, but so were the other elements. They are extremely important aspects of a marriage and when those are all missing, there’s not much else. We have a friendship and a wonderful son, a beautiful history together but is that always enough? What about the passion and love? Does that ever come back? Do I ruin what we have and hope that one day I will capture all that I feel I have been missing with another man? It scares the hell out of me. But at the same time, staying scares me too. After all, I’m not getting younger.

PS. The reply I received from my partner Matt to the letter I sent to him was simply wonderful. Suffice it to say, he feels the same and even used the words love when he spoke about he and I. He didn’t say he loved me but he did say there was love and for me, that’s good enough. That’s the first time he has ever come close to admitting those feelings to me. 🙂  I’m a happy woman.

On another note, I will be an even happier women by the end of today. The reason for that is my partner Matt is coming over to my artist partner’s home and Matt and I will pose for him so he can sculpt us. Then the three of us will have a play date together. I can’t wait. Threesomes are absolutely the best!

 

A Lucky Woman

Last night was the first time I spent the night with one of my partners and it was all I dreamt it would be. First of all, morning sex! Wow, have I been missing out. It’s amazing. He’s amazing. My new artist partner Gary loves morning sex and can he perform. OMG!

 

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Nude on the beach

Spectacular! The only way to describe my day and night with my artist.

Last night was the first time I spent the night with one of my partners and it was all I dreamt it would be. First of all, morning sex! Wow, have I been missing out. It’s amazing. He’s amazing. My new artist partner Gary loves morning sex and can he perform. OMG! But, let’s back up a bit. I need to give you a bit of background on how it all lead to that.

On Thursday, my partner Tariq mentioned to me that his wife was going out of town at the end of the month for 4 days to a niece’s baby shower. He’s unable to go because he has no time off. So, because he would have the house to himself, he has asked if I would stay overnight with him. He wants to first go to the strip club, then the swing club then back to his place for the night. It surprised me quite a bit that he wanted me to go to his place because in the past he has always been paranoid that the neighbours might see me. But, I guess it’s because we will be arriving late at night, he’s not so worried about it.

When I read his message to my husband, my husband had no reaction. He basically nodded his head in agreement. As if to say, ya, alright, if you want. The reason I wasn’t too surprised was because he had told me in the past that I could stay with one of my partners if the opportunity arose. And he knows that if I get the chance to take off to Montreal with my partner Matt, we will be going for sure. So, he wasn’t too surprised my request from Tariq. That’s where I decided to open the door and ask if I could stay at Gary’s Saturday night. I had never done that in the past and I decided that with our son in NYC, it was as good a chance as any. Much to my surprise, he simply asked if I felt safe going there. Clearly I did, otherwise I wouldn’t raving about my night with him. 🙂

Saturday finally arrived. I knew I was going to visit my artist late in the afternoon. He had a couple of pieces of his art to deliver so it was decided beforehand that I would come at 5pm for dinner. That same morning, I spoke with my partner Matt by Skype. I had decided to tell him what Tariq had asked of me regarding staying overnight. I thought he would be excited for me. Finally getting a chance to bring one of them to the club and then spend the night. But, if I didn’t know better, I think Matt was jealous. I got the feeling that he thought that Tariq and I were over completely. But I was sure I had mentioned to him that we still talk and have a good rapport, despite not playing together every week like in the past. So, when I saw his face become very serious and then he asked if this was something I really wanted to do, it almost felt like he was hoping I would say no. It was as if he felt he was being betrayed. That’s quite odd coming from a man who shows very little emotions towards me. As a matter of fact, when he first contacted me that morning, I had told him I was just thinking about him and wanted to tell him how much I appreciated him and was happy he was in my life. His answer to that was rather unusual. He knew I was going to Gary’s in the afternoon and replied that he was surprised with my sentiments given where I was going later in the day.  My reply to that was to remind him that I am capable of caring (loving) for more than one individual at a time. I can’t use the word love with him, even after almost a year, because he would surely be very uncomfortable with it.  But, we had a wonderful chat and I reminded him that I really hope that his wife goes away for March break so that he and I can have our night together. You see, I was always expecting my first time to spend a night with one of my partners would be him. I never in my wildest dreams expected it to be the artist. After all, I just met him and me and Matt have been talking about spending a night together for almost a year now.

Now for my beautiful date with my new, talented and very special lover Gary. Yes, I suppose I have changed the verbiage on that, haven’t I. Normally, when I speak about my guys, I call them my partners. But for some reason, with Gary, it feels different. I guess it’s because he’s single and he has no issues about expressing his feelings towards me. This is really new for me because neither of my other two guys really have told me how they feel. Apart from telling me he cherishes me, Matt has never expressed much more. Although Tariq is a bit more upfront with his feelings but not as much. With all three of us being married, it certainly is understandable. We don’t need to be crossing lines.

With Gary though, he has already told me how much he cares about me, and I have done the same towards him.  He understands that I am married but we have decided not to hold back how we feel knowing full well that it may or may not last forever. We both decided it is better to care deeply and get hurt, then not care at all.  But I digress. Back to my date. When I arrived there, we sat and chatted for a bit then  he showed me the work he has been working on. After an hour or so, we sat and ate a wonderful roast that he took the time to make for me.  My husband rarely cooks so having Gary do that, was a real treat. While eating, we chatted about his and my families and learned more about each other. He’s very interesting. I enjoy his company tremendously. He makes me smile and fills my heart with joy.

Once dinner was over, we moved into the bedroom and had a nice glass of wine. After a while, he left to take a shower and I got undressed but left on my panties and put on my camisole.  When he returned from his shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist, he layed me down on the bed and we began kissing. He’s a wonderful kisser. I don’t kiss often so I certainly enjoy it when we do. For a man of 53, he has tremendous stamina and sex drive. He’s an amazing partner. He’s so generous and giving. I am a very lucky woman.  We played for a few hours, but with both of being sick, I was pretty worn out. He had more energy than I did but was fine with snuggling and caressing me. Not to mention going down on me for what seemed like hours. Wow, does he ever know what he’s doing down there to please me. I keep saying I’m a lucky woman, because I really am.

Our evening moved from playing to caressing and snuggling until I could no longer stay awake. He gave me some nighttime medication to help me sleep with my cold.  That act alone was very romantic to me. I just wish I felt better for our first time together. We could have played for many more hours if I felt better. But then again, after 3 hours of playing, my pussy is usually pretty worn out. I needed a break.

Morning came and the playing started all over again. I haven’t had morning sex in almost 20 years. What a great feeling. First time in a long time I didn’t need coffee to wake me up. I was wide awake and raring to go.  He simply turns me on so very much.

Our morning ended with a shower then breakfast at a local diner. We returned back to his place, snuggled some more, played a little bit then it was time for me to leave.

Leaving was difficult. I could have stayed in bed with him, dressed or not dressed and just enjoyed his company. We really have a great rapport and seem to intuitively understand each other.

When I arrived home, I noticed my husband was a bit cranky. He allows me to do these things, and I know he isn’t crazy about it, but the fact that he gives me the freedom to fill my emotional and physical needs tells me a lot about how much he loves me.  I made a point of telling him how much I appreciated him allowing me to go. After all, he is still my husband and I am still his wife. We have a bond that seems to be unbreakable but I am not foolish enough to believe. I still have be cognizant that he has feelings and it probably hurts him more than he expresses to me. For that, I love him even more. He loves me enough to give me my freedom, so I must not take advantage of that.

I’m a lucky woman.

 

 

Swinging – It’s a New Year and a New Day

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January 2017

Have you ever woken up feeling like you are the luckiest person around? Well, I kind of feel that way sometimes.

After all, not many people are lucky enough to have a husband who loves them enough to allow them to be with other men because he can’t. I know it sounds rather unorthodox and that some people will think that I should love him enough to not do it. Well, I understand where you are coming from. I felt that way for 11 years.  But then one day, I woke up and decided that my needs where stronger than what I could control. So, let me explain a bit what I mean by that.

You see, when I turned 50 almost 2 years ago now, I decided to focus on myself. I began to exercise and eat healthy and I wanted to feel good about me. I knew if I did that, I would have a better outlook on life in general. Prior to that, I always lived with what I call a low-grade depression. I was never really totally sad, but I was never really happy either. Being a trained counsellor, I knew that what I needed was to exercise and eat right. I just never did it because my life was always focused on taking care of everyone else.

But when my 50th came along in February 2015, I decided I was tired of living that way. I took matters into my own hands and subsequently lost 43 lbs in 6 months and have kept it off by staying on track. But, what happened to me during that time was incredible.

It was like I came out of a cocoon. My self-esteem grew stronger, my sense of self was more powerful than ever and my libido woke up. And considering I rarely had sex in 11 years, and was somewhat ok with that, it was kind of scary. Mostly because I knew my husband had very little ability to have sex which translated into no interest either. That scared me because I had needs and desires and I couldn’t control them.

So, for a while, he tried to fulfill me. But, it was kind of horrible. Picture yourself begging your partner to have sex with you, and they finally agree, reluctantly. While you are having sex, you can see the disinterest in your partner’s eyes. You can see them going through the motions and nothing more.  That’s not a good feeling at all. Nobody wants to feel like they are forcing their spouse or partner to have sex.

So, I made the decision to never ask him again. I decided that I had been humiliated enough and he made to feel dirty and ashamed because of it. That’s when I decided to buy myself my first vibrator and to see a psychologist to help me through my feelings.

I won’t go into the details of what was said during my session with the psychologist because I wrote about that previously, but suffice it to say that she made me realize that there were other options. But one thing for sure, my husband wasn’t happy about the vibrator. He seemed to think I was trying to replace him. To which I told him that a vibrator cannot replace human touch and affection.

So, after much discussion with my husband about the prospect of having sex with others, he reluctantly agreed. He didn’t like the idea but came to understand that it was what I needed.  He loved me enough to provide me with what I needed to feel satisfied.

Fast forward to November 2015, I joined a swingers website. It was all so new to me. I had never experienced that type of openness and sexual honesty ever. It’s really liberating to be able to talk to others about your fantasies, your sexual likes and dislikes and know that you won’t be judged.

I corresponded with one man from the site  for a month or so before we finally met. It didn’t work out but it was a learning experience. Then, in February 2016, I met 2 men – Tariq and Matt. Both within days apart. The first one I said no to Tariq because he wasn’t my type, but ended up reversing my decision  and met another man that I was very happy to – see blog post “Let’s continue the Story”.  But less than a week later I met Matt. I knew instantly he was the guy I wanted to be with. Tall, handsome and kind. We hit it off immediately.  Eleven months later, I am still with them both.

Then just recently, I met the Artist (see blog – The Artist and the Model). Have you ever met someone that you are drawn to immediately? Someone you feel like you have known all your life? Well, that’s what it felt like when I met Gary. I felt so at ease with him.

You see, for the longest time, I was seeking someone who could provide me with the affection and tenderness that I was not getting from my 2 guys or my husband for that matter.  Well I think he’s the guy that will provide that. I wasn’t looking for it and certainly didn’t think I would seek it from him when he first reached out to me. But it’s been so easy being with him. Almost like we’ve know each other a hundred years.  He’s in the swinging lifestyle too so it was easy to approach the subject of playing and being nude in front of him and posing for his art makes it easier because of that. He had mentioned to me when we first met that he would be open to play (have sex) if I was interested but I told him I wasn’t and he left it at that.  I quickly changed my mind once we started talking and he was sculpting me.  I asked him to play on the second visit. I couldn’t help myself. He turned me on so much.

I also have surprised myself in the sense that I have thought of nothing but him. Matt (my regular long-term guy) has not been at the forefront of my thoughts since meeting Gary. That is so new for me. Gary has captured my heart like no man has done in a long time. That also means I need to be careful to not let myself fall too deeply. After all, I am married.  And I’m really looking forward to see him again soon.

Looks like 2017 is heading into an interesting direction.

The Artist and the Model

Have you ever been told that you inspired someone enough to want to paint and sculpt you? Well, up until 2 weeks ago, I never had, not really. But now, that’s all changed.

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Have you ever been told that you inspired someone enough to want to paint and sculpt you? Well, up until 2 weeks ago, I never had, not really.  But now, that’s all changed.

You see, 2 weeks ago I was contacted by a local artist who is also in the swinging lifestyle. He has a profile on the same swinging website that I do. So when he saw my pictures, he contacted me and asked if I would be interested in modelling for him. I had received emails like that in the past but they always seemed a bit sketchy. The aim for those artists was always to have me come to their homes so they could sketch me but with the full intentions of me playing with them. But, in this instance, he told me that if I wanted to play, that was optional but it was not his main intention. What he really wanted was a woman with beautiful curves that he could use in a series of sculptures and paintings he could show at an art gallery. Well, that idea was certainly intriguing. He sent me a link to his website so that I could view his other art with the express purpose to prove to me that he really was what he said he was; an artist. And he proved to me that he was legit.  I became very excited about posing for a real artist along with the prospect of being immortalized on canvas and stone.

A few days later, I agreed to meet with him over coffee to see if he was someone that I felt I could trust and be at ease with. After all, I was going to be spending several hours with that man, nude in his home for long periods time. It was important for me to feel comfortable with him. As luck would have it, he is a warm, affectionate and caring individual. I instantly liked him and felt his warmth come across. Almost like someone I had known for a very long time. I agreed to pose for him the moment he smiled at me and said hello.

This past Tuesday, that moment finally came. What an amazing experience it was. I arrived at his home and he proceeded to show me around his studio, all his art work and the pieces he was planning of making of me. I admired his paintings and his multi-medium pieces, along with the sculptures he had carved in stone and marble. I was very excited at the prospect of posing for him. Eventually, we made our way back to his bedroom which he also turned into a mini studio. He has a large home but he is a widower and prefers to work late into the night. In order to not disturb his son who also lives with him, he uses a smaller space in his bedroom as another studio. Which as it turns out, is necessary so that I can pose for him on his bed.

The first thing I did was to undress. He offered to leave the room but I thought that was pointless because he was going to walk in and see me naked 2 minutes later anyhow. Besides, I’m very comfortable with my body and have no issues with my own nudity. Once I was undressed, he had me lie on the bed and he proceeded to take over 300 pictures of my body in various positions.  He wanted to capture every detail of me so that when I wasn’t with him and he was working, he would have a reference of my body. It was a little odd having him take so many pictures so up close. Sometimes it was of just of a breast, other times it was of my legs or full body shots. Regardless of the shots he took, he was always very complimentary of me and he gave me a copy of all the pictures along with permission to use whatever I wanted. So, I did. I posted 9 beautiful nudes of me on the swingers website where he and I met and enjoyed all the  wonderful comments I received from others who saw them.

That first day came to an end after 4 hours, 2 glasses of wine and a lot of laughter and getting to know each other. It was an amazing day. I went home looking forward to our next meeting. I was rather surprised by how turned-on I was by the whole process. To have someone so intimately scrutinize every part of my body, looking at shapes and details, then to tell me that I am beautiful every chance he had, well, let me say this much, he made me feel beautiful. More beautiful than I had felt in a long time. After all, I’m almost 52. Yes, I do get a lot of compliments on my photos. I have a beautiful curvaceous body. My hips are defined with a smaller waist and nice size breasts. I’ve been told that I have a body shaped like Marilyn Monroe, but nobody has a body like hers. I can only aspire to looking that good. But none the less, I love my body and iI take care of it to keep it strong and healthy. But he made me feel incredibly sexy. I was very turned on by his essence and his way of being. He is a sensuous, sexy man and I wanted to do more than just to pose for him.  So, before I left, I asked him to save time the following time we got together so we could play.

On day 2 of my experience as an artist’s model was equally thrilling and ended much differently than the first day. This time we started our morning chatting and talking about the sculpture he had started the previous evening. He was inspired by our day together and wanted to start working immediately.

Once I undressed, he placed me in my pose. His hands moved along my body, touching the curvature of my spine, my hips, my arms and legs. He was feeling for muscle definition to understand my body for when he began carving the details. We worked like this for about 2 hours, took a small break then worked some more.  After a couple of hours, when I got off the bed, he laid down a fresh sheet over his comforter. He then asked me to lay on my stomach because he was going to give me a massage. I got very excited knowing that work was done, and now playtime was beginning. It was finally his turn to be naked with me.

I’d like to say though, that my new artist friend is not the typical type of guy I normally go for.  I’ve always been attracted to men who are very tall (although I’m only 5’4″), athletic, and with a thick head of hair and between 30-48 yrs old. And, that describes both of my current partners. They are both 6 feet or more with great hair and nice bodies. Well, my artist friend does not necessarily match that profile. Yes, he’s tall but less than 6 feet, not athletic (he could stand to lose a few pounds but then again, I could too) and has thinning hair. But, he’s got something else that nobody else has, that attracted me to him. He has the soul of an artist.  He’s giving, creative and very sensitive. Being with him is easy and I love being surrounded by his energy.

Once he began massaging my back with him wonderful beautiful hands, I felt the electricity between us starting to build. He moved down my back towards my bum and then started to massage between my legs.  I was so turned on, I couldn’t wait for him to move his hands closer to my pussy and massage me there. I was squirming and moving until he could no longer resist me either. Eventually, he had me on my hands and knees and entered me from behind.  OMG, he felt amazing. What a feeling to have this man inside of me. Thinking about how he made me feel, has kept me wanting more from him and in a hurry. That was over 3 days ago now and I still am longing for his touch.

Now, I’m not typically someone who likes to describe the details of my playing with others because to me, it’s very private. Particularly because of the men I chose to play with. My 2 regular partners have been in my life for 11 months now. I have grown very attached to them and our playtime is very intimate. Now, with the artist, although I’ve only been with him once, I know already that he and I are going to be together for a long time. At least that’s my hope. I know without a doubt that our playtime will be something special in the future as well and probably even more intimate as we get to know each other better. He has made me feel like I haven’t felt in a long time.

I will continue to add more details about my artist and our sessions together. I imagine they will be very sensual and again, probably not so much what swinging is all about. But, I can’t help who I am. At the heart of it all, I am someone who loves intimacy and tenderness. The Swinging Lifestyle is not necessarily set up to be that way and that’s fine. Because those moments when I do want to swing with another couple or partner, I want it to be fun and light, with great sex. With my 3 guys, it’s great sex mixed with fun, sensuality and a sense of comfort.

Swinging – Decisions, Decisions

I can have casual, consensual sex with men who I find interesting and attractive. If a relationship builds while at the club, then that’s fine, but I won’t be looking for it anymore.

Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to meet men to establish a relationship to become a long-term playing partner. I realize that in the past, it was very important to me to know my partner and to know him well. The better we knew each other, the more at ease we would be when it came to having sex. It’s easier to ask for what you want and feel less judged if you want to explore something new.  But I realize now that I may have been chasing the impossible. I think I was looking for the type of relationship that I had with one of my other partners. The one that I split from three weeks ago. This type of relationship takes time and energy, neither aspects that I want to engage in at the moment. He and I were together for 9 months so I know that finding someone new to play with won’t happen overnight.

I know that no man can fulfill all my physical and emotional needs and desires while also being my sexual partner. First of all, being married precludes me from having a real relationship where that can happen, and what I mean by  that is all the perks, bells and whistle that come along when you are seeking to build a life with a new partner.  In the swingers world, that can’t happen between sexual partners. When it does, it usually leads to divorce. This divorce was likely to happen even without playing with others outside of the marriage. So, that’s not usually the cause, but just a symptom.  This is why I am very pro-polyamory (having more than one  loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent all involved).  If our society was more accepting of it, I would certainly find myself in that situation. I know I have the capacity to love more than one man at a time. Besides, I truly don’t think one person can fulfill all your needs, emotional or physical and nor should they have to.

Despite some of the pitfalls, I think I have the best of both worlds. I have a stable marriage with my husband, a wonderful play partner that I enjoy  my morning coffee with every day, and great sex with at least once a month. So, you see, the sex might not be often, but the friendship and closeness we have after 9 months is fantastic. You could say I’m a very lucky woman. No, we don’t tell each other we love each other or pledge our undying love, but we have a different kind of closeness. It’s “No Ordinary Love” as he once pointed out to me. We can’t allow ourselves to cross those boundaries. If we did, then both our marriages could be in trouble. I use to long for him to fulfill my emotional needs but I realize that would be a mistake. Although, I have been asked the question by a couple of friends if I would leave my husband for him. There are days that I would in a heartbeat. But there are also days where I think to myself that he cheats on his wife. Why would I want to put myself through that. Then I think that I would be happy to have sex with him at least once a week, more if we had the time so he would have no need to go elsewhere. It’s sort of like a cat chasing it’s tail. I spin the same way on the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to leave my husband, it’s just on those days that I’m annoyed and angry at him. After 25 years together, they are certainly bound to happen. Even after a couple of months together that can happen. Doesn’t mean you ruin a good thing when the chips are down.

The major decision that I came to today was that I would no longer look for a long-term partner but instead go the to local swinger parties  and clubs around town and find myself a little fun there. As you can imagine, sex once a month with my partner isn’t enough, so having a bit of fun at the club is what I need to do to fulfill my sexual needs. No worries of building long-term relationships for the time being. I can have casual, consensual sex with men who I find interesting and attractive.  If a relationship builds while at the club, then that’s fine, but I won’t be looking for it anymore. I will be content to be with my husband and my sexual partner and enjoy the perks of playing with whomever I desire, in a clean and safe environment.

Swinging is great!

Swinging – Romance and Lasting Love

Being together was so effortless. It really was romantic and enjoyable. I loved that day with him and he did too. That day will forever be ingrained in my mind.

wine

As a swinger, romance and lasting love is never the goal. Ultimately, what you are looking for is to find another couple to play with, preferably with your spouse. You either do a full swap or a soft swap, same room or different room or any combination thereof. In my case, because my spouse doesn’t participate in this lifestyle, I’m considered to be in an open marriage more than a swinger. The term swinger is primarily used for couples.

But regardless of the label that is given me, the guys that I play with are often times married. So, that doesn’t lend well to obtaining the type of emotional and physical intimacy that I require. For instance, I miss being romanced with candle lit dinners, dancing the night away, kissing, touching affectionately and caressing. It all just seems to fit for my personality.  But, this lifestyle doesn’t normally provide that and it’s not meant to. That type of connection is supposed to be found at home amongst couples.

Don’t get me wrong, I love all the wild monkey sex too, but for me, all the romance and caressing would be nice to come before and after sex.  It creates a lasting bond in my mind. Where a man and a woman can share in the intimacy of their lives by touching, talking, kissing, even before they remove their clothing. Luckily enough, there are those moments that both partners come together and it’s there. That connection you long for, although not entirely perfect, but perfect enough.

One of my favourite play dates with my partner during these past 9 months was a day we spent at the hotel. We went for breakfast together at a diner we both loved, then off to the hotel we went. We played for about 3 hours, having a wonderful time then decided to stop for lunch. I brought food for us from home and we ate in the hotel room.  While eating and drinking a good bottle of wine, we went through the music on his playlist and talked about the songs that we both love. I learned about his favourite band growing up and he introduced me to a new album but particularly a beautiful song and to this day, it feel like it’s our song. That song in case you are wondering is “No Ordinary Love” by Dallas Green and Pink. Is that his way of telling me how much he cares for me? I’m not sure but I would like to think so. It’s simply a beautiful song and speaks to us both. Being together was so effortless. It really was romantic and enjoyable. I loved that day with him and he did too. That day will forever be ingrained in my mind.

I miss having those days with my husband. The days were we would spend all day in bed talking about whatever subject that was brought to mind. Although, this summer, we rented a cottage for the week and opened up like never before. It was simply wonderful to have that solitude together. No distractions from phone calls and very spotty wifi that we could only get down by the water so we really had to keep ourselves entertained. We talked a lot that week and in the evenings, we played cards. One afternoon during our walk, I took the opportunity to tell him about my feelings and everything that I was experiencing with my guys. It was an intimate conversation, but done in a light easy way. That was a really great day for us as a couple. We cemented our bond once again and it was simply beautiful.