Sex on the Brain

Gary really thinks he won the lottery by being with me. In a lot of ways, I feel the same but I have a sense of emptiness sometimes

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I’ve been spending a lot of my weekends with Gary lately. I went yesterday afternoon to spend time with him because he had an art show and I wanted to be there to support him. He’s a wonderfully talented artist. But I noticed during our conversations that a lot of what we have in common is sex. Our conversations tend to revolve around sex all the time. Now that I’ve started to notice it and it really has me questioning how much we have in common. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a great subject but does every conversation have to end up as a sexual innuendo or a discussion of what he wants to do sexually with me the next time?  He loves the fact that I am very sexual but it also stresses me out in the sense that if I ever decide I need to step away from playing so much, how will he feel? He loves that I love to play in threesomes, but I think that eventually, I will want to just be with a single partner in a loving relationship.  I don’t know if I will want to stay in this lifestyle, at least not to the point I am playing now. ​ Gary is a great lover and satisfies me completely. I do enjoy others but nobody can do it the way he does for me. Not even Matt and I’ve been with Matt for over a year.  These sex conversations are something that have been on my mind a lot today. I mentioned it briefly to him but I’m not convinced that will change anything.  I do love being with him, but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I have yet to know the answer to that.

You see,  Gary really thinks he won the lottery by being with me. In a lot of ways, I feel the same but I have a sense of emptiness sometimes.   I want to feel whole and joyful but I don’t.  Perhaps it’s because I am uneasy with my son knowing that I play with other men and that I was out last night at a man’s place. He doesn’t know who’s place but he knows I was out.  Perhaps if my son didn’t know, maybe I would feel fine today. I don’t know. Maybe I feel dirty and I don’t like this feeling. When my son didn’t know about what I was doing, I didn’t have this issue so much, but now that he does, hiding it is much harder.

There’s also the fact that Gary told me that he would be going to Toronto with a female friend (V) of his that he played with before. She likes to go to a swing club out there and always asks that he take her because she doesn’t like to go alone. It kind of annoys me that I will miss out on a Saturday night with him because of her. The worst part is, I know she wants to be more to him than a friend but he doesn’t see it. I remind him that every time he does something like this with her, it sends her the wrong signals. She probably thinks that he will eventually leave me and go with her. He tells me he’s not interested in her. She’s a big woman and although that doesn’t bother him, I still think he likes the fact that she wants him and it makes me crazy.  I’ve never had to share any of my partners with other women. They always only had me as a partner. Now, with Gary, he has his V and a couple that he plays with. I don’t mind the couple, but him playing with V who is a single woman that make me crazy, I simply want to scream!

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My first encounter with a couple

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This past Saturday night, I had my first encounter with a couple. The woman had contacted me on the site, and we began chatting. She was very nice and I liked her immediately. After we exchanged pleasantries all afternoon, we exchanged face pictures to see if we were physically attracted to each other.

Well, this young woman and her boyfriend were extremely attractive. She’s tall, thin and blond and he is tall, athletic with a full head of dark brown hair and a nicely trimmed beard. According to the site, they were 26 and 28. Not so bad, I thought. But, I also wondered what they wanted with an older woman like me. I’m 51 afterall. Not necessarily what most young people are looking for in a partner. But, they were willing to drive 2 hours to meet me and book a hotel, so I agreed.

We met 4 hours later here in town. We had planned to meet in the bar before going upstairs, just so we could have a chat and get to know each other a bit. It was also, to give us a chance to unwind and loosen up a bit. I still get nervous meeting new people and they had only done this once before, over a year ago, so they liked the idea of having a drink first too.

Once we exchanged pleasantries, we left the bar and proceeded upstairs. We got into the room and again, had another drink. The only thing they had was rum and I’m not a big rum drinker so I sipped mine without mix. He and she drank theirs at a nice steady pace.

Finally, it was time to undress. I removed my knee high boots and tight black dress. Mike came behind me and kissed me on the neck. Meanwhile, Penny removed her jeans and sweater to reveal perfect beautiful body, with small perky breast. She was flawless. I was in awe of her 5’9″ height, her flat perfect stomach and beautiful soft skin. She was a true beauty and I’m not even bi-sexual or bi-curious. I have no real desire to be with a woman but I knew at that moment, that if I was going to be with one, I was glad it was going to be her.

After we got over our nervousness, we all got on the bed. Penny began by giving Mike oral while I watched. Then she moved over a bit and I began to suck on his balls while she continued to suck on his penis. By all accounts, he was enjoying it very much. We continued playing, he and I, her and him, me and her. Yes, she went down on me and I on her. It wasn’t a horrible experience, in fact, I liked hearing her moan and enjoy what I was doing to her. While I was giving her oral, Mike was taking me from behind. So, as you can well imagine, we were all being well satisfied. The playing continued like this for awhile. We were having a good time, but then all of a sudden, he went soft. No amount of oral from Penny would get him hard again. So she asked me to give it a shot. Well, I managed to get him hard enough to enter her. After all, he had managed to stay hard enough to enter me for a while, I thought it was only fair that she get pleased by her boyfriend too.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to retain his erection for long with her. So, after a bit of time went buy and she and I used the toys she brought, I decided it was time for me to leave. I was feeling rather awkward and I knew they were too.

So, by 11:30 pm, my encounter with a couple had ended almost as quickly as it got started.

They were lovely people, but I’m guessing the stress to perform for 2 women, or to perform in front of his girlfriend, was simply too  much. Not the mention the alcohol. A lesson to learn guys. It’s a fine line between relaxing and not performing. Be careful!

 

Swinging to keep my Marriage

If you are under 18  you should probably stop reading. This blog is not meant for you. Thank you.

First, before I tell you my story, let me give you a couple of definitions. One  I found on a Swinging  website and the other I came up with on my own. It will help you understand a bit about what I’m talking about if you don’t already know.

Swinging 

“Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. In its simplest form, “swinging” is enjoying consensual sexual experiences with people other than your regular partner.

Most people, who swing and are part of a couple, do so with the full knowledge, consent and, usually the participation of, their partner. Within this, however, there is a broad spectrum of activities. For some, swinging forms a big part of their life, for others it is an occasional “treat”. Some people enjoy a wide variety of swinging partners; others form long-standing relationships with one couple. For some, swingers “anything goes”, while others confine themselves to limited experiences that they enjoy, for example girls exploring their bisexuality together whilst the partners simply watch.

Swingers have traditionally been largely middle class and tend to blend in quite easily with the general population in terms of appearance and ideology.”

Open Relationship

An open relationship signifies a relationship where one or both partners have agreed that monogamy, sexual fidelity or exclusivity are not expected. (my definition)