Sex on the Brain

Gary really thinks he won the lottery by being with me. In a lot of ways, I feel the same but I have a sense of emptiness sometimes

I’ve been spending a lot of my weekends with Gary lately. I went yesterday afternoon to spend time with him because he had an art show and I wanted to be there to support him. He’s a wonderfully talented artist. But I noticed during our conversations that a lot of what we have in common is sex. Our conversations tend to revolve around sex all the time. Now that I’ve started to notice it and it really has me questioning how much we have in common. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a great subject but does every conversation have to end up as a sexual innuendo or a discussion of what he wants to do sexually with me the next time?  He loves the fact that I am very sexual but it also stresses me out in the sense that if I ever decide I need to step away from playing so much, how will he feel? He loves that I love to play in threesomes, but I think that eventually, I will want to just be with a single partner in a loving relationship.  I don’t know if I will want to stay in this lifestyle, at least not to the point I am playing now. ​ Gary is a great lover and satisfies me completely. I do enjoy others but nobody can do it the way he does for me. Not even Matt and I’ve been with Matt for over a year.  These sex conversations are something that have been on my mind a lot today. I mentioned it briefly to him but I’m not convinced that will change anything.  I do love being with him, but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I have yet to know the answer to that.

You see,  Gary really thinks he won the lottery by being with me. In a lot of ways, I feel the same but I have a sense of emptiness sometimes.   I want to feel whole and joyful but I don’t.  Perhaps it’s because I am uneasy with my son knowing that I play with other men and that I was out last night at a man’s place. He doesn’t know who’s place but he knows I was out.  Perhaps if my son didn’t know, maybe I would feel fine today. I don’t know. Maybe I feel dirty and I don’t like this feeling. When my son didn’t know about what I was doing, I didn’t have this issue so much, but now that he does, hiding it is much harder.

There’s also the fact that Gary told me that he would be going to Toronto with a female friend (V) of his that he played with before. She likes to go to a swing club out there and always asks that he take her because she doesn’t like to go alone. It kind of annoys me that I will miss out on a Saturday night with him because of her. The worst part is, I know she wants to be more to him than a friend but he doesn’t see it. I remind him that every time he does something like this with her, it sends her the wrong signals. She probably thinks that he will eventually leave me and go with her. He tells me he’s not interested in her. She’s a big woman and although that doesn’t bother him, I still think he likes the fact that she wants him and it makes me crazy.  I’ve never had to share any of my partners with other women. They always only had me as a partner. Now, with Gary, he has his V and a couple that he plays with. I don’t mind the couple, but him playing with V who is a single woman that make me crazy, I simply want to scream!

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The Artist and the Model

Have you ever been told that you inspired someone enough to want to paint and sculpt you? Well, up until 2 weeks ago, I never had, not really. But now, that’s all changed.

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Have you ever been told that you inspired someone enough to want to paint and sculpt you? Well, up until 2 weeks ago, I never had, not really.  But now, that’s all changed.

You see, 2 weeks ago I was contacted by a local artist who is also in the swinging lifestyle. He has a profile on the same swinging website that I do. So when he saw my pictures, he contacted me and asked if I would be interested in modelling for him. I had received emails like that in the past but they always seemed a bit sketchy. The aim for those artists was always to have me come to their homes so they could sketch me but with the full intentions of me playing with them. But, in this instance, he told me that if I wanted to play, that was optional but it was not his main intention. What he really wanted was a woman with beautiful curves that he could use in a series of sculptures and paintings he could show at an art gallery. Well, that idea was certainly intriguing. He sent me a link to his website so that I could view his other art with the express purpose to prove to me that he really was what he said he was; an artist. And he proved to me that he was legit.  I became very excited about posing for a real artist along with the prospect of being immortalized on canvas and stone.

A few days later, I agreed to meet with him over coffee to see if he was someone that I felt I could trust and be at ease with. After all, I was going to be spending several hours with that man, nude in his home for long periods time. It was important for me to feel comfortable with him. As luck would have it, he is a warm, affectionate and caring individual. I instantly liked him and felt his warmth come across. Almost like someone I had known for a very long time. I agreed to pose for him the moment he smiled at me and said hello.

This past Tuesday, that moment finally came. What an amazing experience it was. I arrived at his home and he proceeded to show me around his studio, all his art work and the pieces he was planning of making of me. I admired his paintings and his multi-medium pieces, along with the sculptures he had carved in stone and marble. I was very excited at the prospect of posing for him. Eventually, we made our way back to his bedroom which he also turned into a mini studio. He has a large home but he is a widower and prefers to work late into the night. In order to not disturb his son who also lives with him, he uses a smaller space in his bedroom as another studio. Which as it turns out, is necessary so that I can pose for him on his bed.

The first thing I did was to undress. He offered to leave the room but I thought that was pointless because he was going to walk in and see me naked 2 minutes later anyhow. Besides, I’m very comfortable with my body and have no issues with my own nudity. Once I was undressed, he had me lie on the bed and he proceeded to take over 300 pictures of my body in various positions.  He wanted to capture every detail of me so that when I wasn’t with him and he was working, he would have a reference of my body. It was a little odd having him take so many pictures so up close. Sometimes it was of just of a breast, other times it was of my legs or full body shots. Regardless of the shots he took, he was always very complimentary of me and he gave me a copy of all the pictures along with permission to use whatever I wanted. So, I did. I posted 9 beautiful nudes of me on the swingers website where he and I met and enjoyed all the  wonderful comments I received from others who saw them.

That first day came to an end after 4 hours, 2 glasses of wine and a lot of laughter and getting to know each other. It was an amazing day. I went home looking forward to our next meeting. I was rather surprised by how turned-on I was by the whole process. To have someone so intimately scrutinize every part of my body, looking at shapes and details, then to tell me that I am beautiful every chance he had, well, let me say this much, he made me feel beautiful. More beautiful than I had felt in a long time. After all, I’m almost 52. Yes, I do get a lot of compliments on my photos. I have a beautiful curvaceous body. My hips are defined with a smaller waist and nice size breasts. I’ve been told that I have a body shaped like Marilyn Monroe, but nobody has a body like hers. I can only aspire to looking that good. But none the less, I love my body and iI take care of it to keep it strong and healthy. But he made me feel incredibly sexy. I was very turned on by his essence and his way of being. He is a sensuous, sexy man and I wanted to do more than just to pose for him.  So, before I left, I asked him to save time the following time we got together so we could play.

On day 2 of my experience as an artist’s model was equally thrilling and ended much differently than the first day. This time we started our morning chatting and talking about the sculpture he had started the previous evening. He was inspired by our day together and wanted to start working immediately.

Once I undressed, he placed me in my pose. His hands moved along my body, touching the curvature of my spine, my hips, my arms and legs. He was feeling for muscle definition to understand my body for when he began carving the details. We worked like this for about 2 hours, took a small break then worked some more.  After a couple of hours, when I got off the bed, he laid down a fresh sheet over his comforter. He then asked me to lay on my stomach because he was going to give me a massage. I got very excited knowing that work was done, and now playtime was beginning. It was finally his turn to be naked with me.

I’d like to say though, that my new artist friend is not the typical type of guy I normally go for.  I’ve always been attracted to men who are very tall (although I’m only 5’4″), athletic, and with a thick head of hair and between 30-48 yrs old. And, that describes both of my current partners. They are both 6 feet or more with great hair and nice bodies. Well, my artist friend does not necessarily match that profile. Yes, he’s tall but less than 6 feet, not athletic (he could stand to lose a few pounds but then again, I could too) and has thinning hair. But, he’s got something else that nobody else has, that attracted me to him. He has the soul of an artist.  He’s giving, creative and very sensitive. Being with him is easy and I love being surrounded by his energy.

Once he began massaging my back with him wonderful beautiful hands, I felt the electricity between us starting to build. He moved down my back towards my bum and then started to massage between my legs.  I was so turned on, I couldn’t wait for him to move his hands closer to my pussy and massage me there. I was squirming and moving until he could no longer resist me either. Eventually, he had me on my hands and knees and entered me from behind.  OMG, he felt amazing. What a feeling to have this man inside of me. Thinking about how he made me feel, has kept me wanting more from him and in a hurry. That was over 3 days ago now and I still am longing for his touch.

Now, I’m not typically someone who likes to describe the details of my playing with others because to me, it’s very private. Particularly because of the men I chose to play with. My 2 regular partners have been in my life for 11 months now. I have grown very attached to them and our playtime is very intimate. Now, with the artist, although I’ve only been with him once, I know already that he and I are going to be together for a long time. At least that’s my hope. I know without a doubt that our playtime will be something special in the future as well and probably even more intimate as we get to know each other better. He has made me feel like I haven’t felt in a long time.

I will continue to add more details about my artist and our sessions together. I imagine they will be very sensual and again, probably not so much what swinging is all about. But, I can’t help who I am. At the heart of it all, I am someone who loves intimacy and tenderness. The Swinging Lifestyle is not necessarily set up to be that way and that’s fine. Because those moments when I do want to swing with another couple or partner, I want it to be fun and light, with great sex. With my 3 guys, it’s great sex mixed with fun, sensuality and a sense of comfort.

My first encounter with a couple

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This past Saturday night, I had my first encounter with a couple. The woman had contacted me on the site, and we began chatting. She was very nice and I liked her immediately. After we exchanged pleasantries all afternoon, we exchanged face pictures to see if we were physically attracted to each other.

Well, this young woman and her boyfriend were extremely attractive. She’s tall, thin and blond and he is tall, athletic with a full head of dark brown hair and a nicely trimmed beard. According to the site, they were 26 and 28. Not so bad, I thought. But, I also wondered what they wanted with an older woman like me. I’m 51 afterall. Not necessarily what most young people are looking for in a partner. But, they were willing to drive 2 hours to meet me and book a hotel, so I agreed.

We met 4 hours later here in town. We had planned to meet in the bar before going upstairs, just so we could have a chat and get to know each other a bit. It was also, to give us a chance to unwind and loosen up a bit. I still get nervous meeting new people and they had only done this once before, over a year ago, so they liked the idea of having a drink first too.

Once we exchanged pleasantries, we left the bar and proceeded upstairs. We got into the room and again, had another drink. The only thing they had was rum and I’m not a big rum drinker so I sipped mine without mix. He and she drank theirs at a nice steady pace.

Finally, it was time to undress. I removed my knee high boots and tight black dress. Mike came behind me and kissed me on the neck. Meanwhile, Penny removed her jeans and sweater to reveal perfect beautiful body, with small perky breast. She was flawless. I was in awe of her 5’9″ height, her flat perfect stomach and beautiful soft skin. She was a true beauty and I’m not even bi-sexual or bi-curious. I have no real desire to be with a woman but I knew at that moment, that if I was going to be with one, I was glad it was going to be her.

After we got over our nervousness, we all got on the bed. Penny began by giving Mike oral while I watched. Then she moved over a bit and I began to suck on his balls while she continued to suck on his penis. By all accounts, he was enjoying it very much. We continued playing, he and I, her and him, me and her. Yes, she went down on me and I on her. It wasn’t a horrible experience, in fact, I liked hearing her moan and enjoy what I was doing to her. While I was giving her oral, Mike was taking me from behind. So, as you can well imagine, we were all being well satisfied. The playing continued like this for awhile. We were having a good time, but then all of a sudden, he went soft. No amount of oral from Penny would get him hard again. So she asked me to give it a shot. Well, I managed to get him hard enough to enter her. After all, he had managed to stay hard enough to enter me for a while, I thought it was only fair that she get pleased by her boyfriend too.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to retain his erection for long with her. So, after a bit of time went buy and she and I used the toys she brought, I decided it was time for me to leave. I was feeling rather awkward and I knew they were too.

So, by 11:30 pm, my encounter with a couple had ended almost as quickly as it got started.

They were lovely people, but I’m guessing the stress to perform for 2 women, or to perform in front of his girlfriend, was simply too  much. Not the mention the alcohol. A lesson to learn guys. It’s a fine line between relaxing and not performing. Be careful!

 

Paranoia

So, are they being paranoid? Or am I simply not careful enough with my safety?

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I guess that title sounds a little odd for a blog talking about swinging and the whole lifestyle that surrounds it. Well, let me tell you why I chose that title and maybe you can decide for yourself whether or not it’s appropriate.

This Thanksgiving weekend (in Canada), I was approached by a woman on the swingers website that I am a member of, asking me if I would be interested in playing with her husband while she was away travelling. She’s a flight attendant and would be overseas for the next 8 months on assignment and wants someone for her husband.  All their swinging friends are couples so when she plays with the husband, he plays with the wife. When I say play, I actually mean have sex, in case you are wondering.

She doesn’t want him to have to go looking for various partners to have fun with but instead, would prefer for him to have someone stable. In the swinging world, that’s not so uncommon. Having a stable partner but still playing with others is nice. Oftentimes that stable partner is a spouse, but in my case, it’s my 2 guys that I have been playing with for 8 months now. It’s not my husband, because he could care less about sex most of the time.

When I spoke to my partners about all that was discussed with her via email, and subsequently the husband by text, my partners started to ask some pertinent questions. Such as, a) why is he willing drive almost 2 hours from home to play with me (according to another friend, it’s because I’m one in a million and I’m super hot, 😉 but I digress) or b) why would he ask me to delete all the messages off my phone that he had sent me. And so on and so forth. I spoke to each of my guys today about it separately for an hour. They each want me to have proof of who he is, where he lives, the times we meet, where we are meeting, his age, etc. You get the idea. All things that I did not ask of them when I agreed to meet them for coffee then subsequently have come to my home to play and nobody knew about it but them and I. And nothing happened. I was safe. Furthermore, Manny (the husband of lady that contacted me) is a paramedic and they think it’s possible that he takes that knowledge and creates some sort of cocktail of drugs and uses it on me to rape me or have his way with me.

So, are they being paranoid? Or am I simply not careful enough with my safety? That’s a really good question that I have been asking myself. I tend to be trusting of people and what they tell me. I take what they say at face value because I’m an honest person. I guess you can say that I am naive in thinking others are the same. Maybe I lucked in and got the best two guys on the site.

Now, I have to decide if I play with Manny or I tell him that I’m not interested because my partners are paranoid and worried for my safety. Incidentally, my husband had no issues about it until I told him what my partners had to say. Now he too is telling me to dump him.

I think the smart thing to do is to come right out and ask him all these questions and if he is reluctant to answer them, then I know my answer, right?

Update – It turns out my guys were right to be suspicious of him. This man was a posting pictures of a latino model pretending it was his wife. So, there was no wife at all. He was probably going to scam me sometime down the road. But because of my guys, he never got the chance.

Swinging to keep my Marriage

If you are under 18  you should probably stop reading. This blog is not meant for you. Thank you.

First, before I tell you my story, let me give you a couple of definitions. One  I found on a Swinging  website and the other I came up with on my own. It will help you understand a bit about what I’m talking about if you don’t already know.

Swinging 

“Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. In its simplest form, “swinging” is enjoying consensual sexual experiences with people other than your regular partner.

Most people, who swing and are part of a couple, do so with the full knowledge, consent and, usually the participation of, their partner. Within this, however, there is a broad spectrum of activities. For some, swinging forms a big part of their life, for others it is an occasional “treat”. Some people enjoy a wide variety of swinging partners; others form long-standing relationships with one couple. For some, swingers “anything goes”, while others confine themselves to limited experiences that they enjoy, for example girls exploring their bisexuality together whilst the partners simply watch.

Swingers have traditionally been largely middle class and tend to blend in quite easily with the general population in terms of appearance and ideology.”

Open Relationship

An open relationship signifies a relationship where one or both partners have agreed that monogamy, sexual fidelity or exclusivity are not expected. (my definition)